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for Writings from the Black Lagoon 2:

3/4/2008 c6 871no.peace.los.angeles
Um, okay. The second part of that was rather abrupt. I guess that's the right word. I don't even know if it was necessary to have that part there. It felt almost out of place, something. I don't know; the two parts just didn't fit together for me. I'm lost. Sorry. Keep writing! :)
3/4/2008 c5 no.peace.los.angeles
Haha, I like it. Especially the meek telemarketer at the end. Very original. Fabulous. Keep writing! :)
3/2/2008 c4 no.peace.los.angeles
Oh, sad. I like this; it reads like it's a black & white scene from a film noir movie or something. Very cool. I mean, the subject matter could be seen as being a BIT cliche, but it's a universal theme, and it's beautiful, so it doesn't really matter. I like the way you presented it. Lovely. Keep writing! :)
2/29/2008 c3 no.peace.los.angeles
Haha, this one is cute. I do remember the original version of this one, and I think I like this one better. Your editing definitely paid off in this case. This is fun and playful, and you have the details spot-on ("making dates with the chairs," the drunk language) and the end is perfect. Picking up hints from me? Heh. Just kidding, of course. Nice one. Keep writing! :)
2/28/2008 c2 no.peace.los.angeles
Hey there. I like the idea of this poem. You have some really good details in it, too. I liked "tight little curves" as a description. I still get the feeling that there are too many words, if that makes any sort of sense. Like that bit I just mentioned; I feel like it could be condensed - something like "tight little curves, accentuating the perpetually flowing body." I don't know. That's just me. And I mean, I do have a very specific way of looking at poetry and I've developed and changed that a lot throughout the years. This is just my personal preference right now. But yes, I do love the way you've painted a picture, showed us a scene, and gave us a surprise ending. Lovely. Keep writing! :)
2/28/2008 c7 WyrdWolf
Again, the review boxes don't seem to be loading, so I logged out and now this one works. Heh. Well, this'un's for 9.

A happy ending, eh? That seems a little odd, coming from you-not that I didn't like it. The entire play was very poignant; tackled emotions well. You really know what you're doing in that genre.

Wolfie
2/28/2008 c8 33WyrdWolf
For some reason the review box for chapter seven wouldn't load up, so this'll be for 7 and 8.

No penguin-kissing? Well, it's unlikely that you'd ever be presented with the opportunity, so odds are, you're right. Very neat topic; was it supposed to be in any poetic form, like it was, or just a list?

NaNoWriMo! That's one hell of a good reason for that one. *laughs* This list is awesome. *shiver* Emos...

Wolfie
2/24/2008 c9 8SympleSymon
Very, very well done! Scripts can be a heckuva challenge, I know, but you pulled it off masterfully; the dialogue was top-notch, the directions helping to make things clearer whilst at the same time aiding the story's flow.

All in all, an excellent read, and I hope you get a good grade on this.

Symplicity
2/24/2008 c8 SympleSymon
I can ignore #1 when I use soap made from fat X_X

Symplicity
2/24/2008 c7 SympleSymon
I'd compile my own list but that, too, was actually the first thing on my list - and I keep my promises!

And, for the other bonus point, I think the thing that's wrong is that you're just not the kind of person who would say for sure they wouldn't do something; you're a try-anything-once girl, right?

...being a shoplifter, rapist, anorexic aside, that is.

Symplicity
2/24/2008 c6 SympleSymon
Ouch, shocking twist, and a moral dilemna for Dave! What did he do? What COULD he do?

Symplicity
2/24/2008 c9 57empathic life
Felicia, darling. I miss you lots, and I feel like absolute crap for not finding the time to talk to you sooner... Anyways. I find all of these little play things pretty confusing... I probably just looked over an author's note that explained it or something... Wow, this review sucks... The curse of the perpetually exhausted, I think. . I miss your poetry. I'm gonna go hunt some of it down now. Yours, Alex
2/24/2008 c5 8SympleSymon
Heh, that's amusing...kinda like the evil phonetically-operated cinema booking phone-lines when someone hasn't updated the film times!

Symplicity
2/24/2008 c4 SympleSymon
Wait, she's looking into his eyes even when they've left the station far behind? Who is this guy, Superman? Or is she staring into the space where his eyes were, before the train moved?

Good directions, looking forward to seeing how this shapes-up.

Symplicity
2/24/2008 c3 SympleSymon
Firates? Hah, I bet they're the ones fighting the finjas and the spamurais, right?

Love this poem, it had a nice flow to it, and the perspective it was written in was superbly crafted.

Symplicity
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