for Reverie6/10/2008 c1 Ernest Bloom
The chorus really _is_ excellent.
Taste in song lyrics is definitely far from universal, making critique next to pointless, but I'll try.
A few divergent metaphors appear to be at work. First, the singer feels trapped in a room, presumably like a psychiatric patient. Fine and good.
What's a magic wand to do with that? The chase goes on? Who's chasing someone with broken legs around a tiny room? When ideas jar, the reader's (listener's) attention may be broken. IMO, a writer does him/herself a disservice nudging the audience away. All songs, all words, are incantation. Magic. Your job as a writer is to cast an enchanting spell. Allow your audience no wiggle room to escape.
Many good rhymes. Good meter most of the time. Of course many songs lack the clarity I'm speaking of. This is less critique than ideas to consider before writing your next song. Don't doubt your ability. Keep at it.
The chorus really _is_ excellent.
Taste in song lyrics is definitely far from universal, making critique next to pointless, but I'll try.
A few divergent metaphors appear to be at work. First, the singer feels trapped in a room, presumably like a psychiatric patient. Fine and good.
What's a magic wand to do with that? The chase goes on? Who's chasing someone with broken legs around a tiny room? When ideas jar, the reader's (listener's) attention may be broken. IMO, a writer does him/herself a disservice nudging the audience away. All songs, all words, are incantation. Magic. Your job as a writer is to cast an enchanting spell. Allow your audience no wiggle room to escape.
Many good rhymes. Good meter most of the time. Of course many songs lack the clarity I'm speaking of. This is less critique than ideas to consider before writing your next song. Don't doubt your ability. Keep at it.
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