for Red Eye12/17/2008 c1 
7supagirl100
Use more commas. And less boring names. And while you're at it, please don't describe the main character's mum like some sort of hot actress from HIS point of view. That's just creepy.
Otherwise, shows promise. But less cliches, please.
7supagirl100Use more commas. And less boring names. And while you're at it, please don't describe the main character's mum like some sort of hot actress from HIS point of view. That's just creepy.
Otherwise, shows promise. But less cliches, please.
3/16/2008 c1 19Core Satiated
What a douche. Mom crying over spilled milk because "we're going to resell the table." Just wash it.
Have you ever heard the expression, "you've got a great face for radio?"
Well, you've got a writing style for the radio.
19Core SatiatedWhat a douche. Mom crying over spilled milk because "we're going to resell the table." Just wash it.
Have you ever heard the expression, "you've got a great face for radio?"
Well, you've got a writing style for the radio.
10/17/2007 c1 3Akiriana
well it wasn't too bad. Some punctuation errors and spelling errors, but all and all it was alright.
Keep in mind though, try not to just randomly insert big words to make your story sound more intellectual, especially when you use them improperly. Your story can have the same effect with words that are smaller or that you understand better.
It was an interesting piece however.
3Akirianawell it wasn't too bad. Some punctuation errors and spelling errors, but all and all it was alright.
Keep in mind though, try not to just randomly insert big words to make your story sound more intellectual, especially when you use them improperly. Your story can have the same effect with words that are smaller or that you understand better.
It was an interesting piece however.
10/15/2007 c1 4dinosaurgiraffe
Hiya. I see you've gotten a new name. Let's see. Well, I've read the first few sentences, found no depth, and decided to review. Now, reading the rest of the reviews, all I can find are either flamers or people who say your work sucks. I won't say that because honestly, your work does not suck. You just nedd to work on it. I feel like I'm reading a textbook. Add some humor or feeling because all I got from it was bland-tasting milk, and I HATE milk. You're not a bad writer because obviously you know how to write, but YOU SUCK when you tell others they suck. I doubt you even read the stories you review. I bet you just look at the stories, skim it, and decide that if you're not interested, they suck. You're such a fucking great soul.
4dinosaurgiraffeHiya. I see you've gotten a new name. Let's see. Well, I've read the first few sentences, found no depth, and decided to review. Now, reading the rest of the reviews, all I can find are either flamers or people who say your work sucks. I won't say that because honestly, your work does not suck. You just nedd to work on it. I feel like I'm reading a textbook. Add some humor or feeling because all I got from it was bland-tasting milk, and I HATE milk. You're not a bad writer because obviously you know how to write, but YOU SUCK when you tell others they suck. I doubt you even read the stories you review. I bet you just look at the stories, skim it, and decide that if you're not interested, they suck. You're such a fucking great soul.
10/14/2007 c1 69Around.about
Well I must say can't actually find a point to this. What exactly was supposed to occur?
Besides the obvious lack of plot (or rather plot development I suppose), I suppose it was pure mediocrity. Try actually having something happen in this story.
It appears you managed to piss off quite a few of are fellow authors. While some have been a bit dramatic in their reviews, other have a had a ring of truth to them.
You really shouldn't flame people, I don't know where your superiority complex derived from, but really you have yet to show just cause for such a thing.
69Around.aboutWell I must say can't actually find a point to this. What exactly was supposed to occur?
Besides the obvious lack of plot (or rather plot development I suppose), I suppose it was pure mediocrity. Try actually having something happen in this story.
It appears you managed to piss off quite a few of are fellow authors. While some have been a bit dramatic in their reviews, other have a had a ring of truth to them.
You really shouldn't flame people, I don't know where your superiority complex derived from, but really you have yet to show just cause for such a thing.
10/14/2007 c1 5ajustwar
I don't think this story was that bad, yes I like Dr.Drey (Or whatever) Needs to work on there writing some, but so do I lot of people who are writing these really mean reviews. Yes I know he/she may of done it to you first, but still come on people. Be Nice! AS for Dr.Drey if you didn't write 'you suck!' On all the things you review, people will be nicer on your reweiws too.
5ajustwarI don't think this story was that bad, yes I like Dr.Drey (Or whatever) Needs to work on there writing some, but so do I lot of people who are writing these really mean reviews. Yes I know he/she may of done it to you first, but still come on people. Be Nice! AS for Dr.Drey if you didn't write 'you suck!' On all the things you review, people will be nicer on your reweiws too.
10/14/2007 c1 5GilanSalehi
To be fair, this isn't actually bad. It's just unremarkable. Don't feel bad-not everyone is an excellent writer. Mediocrity isn't a sin.
5GilanSalehiTo be fair, this isn't actually bad. It's just unremarkable. Don't feel bad-not everyone is an excellent writer. Mediocrity isn't a sin.
10/13/2007 c1 old unhappy far-away things
This story is a mockery of the art of writing. The plot is ridiculous and stupid. The characters are dimensionless and feel like cardboard. You're an awful, terrible writer, and you should take this off the Internet. There is quite enough shit online already that is not nearly as offensive to the English language as this piece of trash.
This story is a mockery of the art of writing. The plot is ridiculous and stupid. The characters are dimensionless and feel like cardboard. You're an awful, terrible writer, and you should take this off the Internet. There is quite enough shit online already that is not nearly as offensive to the English language as this piece of trash.
10/13/2007 c1 DBro
Why thank you for reviewing my story - which was much more well received than yours even though it has fewer reviews. I'm guessing that means that I'm a better writer than you, regardless of your suggestion that I suck and should quit writing.
Oh and I agree with the other reviewers. How about you study english literature. Pick up a book and see how writers develop their stories. It's much more helpful than bashing other people's works.
And fyi, this review is LOADED with sarcasm. Know what that is?
Have a GREAT day.
Why thank you for reviewing my story - which was much more well received than yours even though it has fewer reviews. I'm guessing that means that I'm a better writer than you, regardless of your suggestion that I suck and should quit writing.
Oh and I agree with the other reviewers. How about you study english literature. Pick up a book and see how writers develop their stories. It's much more helpful than bashing other people's works.
And fyi, this review is LOADED with sarcasm. Know what that is?
Have a GREAT day.
10/13/2007 c1 48El Delfo
Hahaha Magius, same situation. I feel a little better about myself after this.
48El DelfoHahaha Magius, same situation. I feel a little better about myself after this.
10/13/2007 c1 28JaphyRider
Heh, so I get a comment saying I'm a losar that should quit writing, and I check out the guy what left it, and this is what he's done?
28JaphyRiderHeh, so I get a comment saying I'm a losar that should quit writing, and I check out the guy what left it, and this is what he's done?