for Red Eye10/13/2007 c1 
11Gina Moriarty
Hi, me again.
The title was quite eye-catching, but I don't see how it's relevant to the actual story.
Some plot points that I didn't quite understand: The large eyes? Sleeping well? Seriously, I don't get it.
Most stories like this have suspense, I guess you weren't taught how to write it. Also, how did the beginning of Chapter Two get into Chapter One?
The idea is, like in your other story, a good one. It just needs to be better developed.
Regards,
Gina F. Hooper
11Gina MoriartyHi, me again.
The title was quite eye-catching, but I don't see how it's relevant to the actual story.
Some plot points that I didn't quite understand: The large eyes? Sleeping well? Seriously, I don't get it.
Most stories like this have suspense, I guess you weren't taught how to write it. Also, how did the beginning of Chapter Two get into Chapter One?
The idea is, like in your other story, a good one. It just needs to be better developed.
Regards,
Gina F. Hooper
10/10/2007 c1 crayfish25
god this story sucks! please give up writing and become a mute! thank you!
god this story sucks! please give up writing and become a mute! thank you!
10/10/2007 c1 2Aeternus.Flamma
I'm going to assume grammar is not your strong point. Nor is imagery. Nor is plot developement. I'm also going to assume that you've never been taught how to use suspense.
Other than those few points, it was readable.
2Aeternus.FlammaI'm going to assume grammar is not your strong point. Nor is imagery. Nor is plot developement. I'm also going to assume that you've never been taught how to use suspense.
Other than those few points, it was readable.