for Of Imbeciles and Brilliance5/25/2008 c4 
3Mercyette
Oh, so that's what that whole thing was about! He's allergic to the chocolate. I was really worried there for a minute! ^.^; Anyway, this was another good chapter. Nadia seems like quite the sister type, if you know what I mean. I love the characterization! That and I only saw one or two typos. Great job with that!
I was a little worried about Nathan's mood swing. Talk about a big one, huh? I thought it was a little out of his character. Thought I;d let you know, but perhaps you have an explaination for that, too. I'll just have to read on.
To the next chapter!
3MercyetteOh, so that's what that whole thing was about! He's allergic to the chocolate. I was really worried there for a minute! ^.^; Anyway, this was another good chapter. Nadia seems like quite the sister type, if you know what I mean. I love the characterization! That and I only saw one or two typos. Great job with that!
I was a little worried about Nathan's mood swing. Talk about a big one, huh? I thought it was a little out of his character. Thought I;d let you know, but perhaps you have an explaination for that, too. I'll just have to read on.
To the next chapter!
5/25/2008 c3 Mercyette
Hmm, you have a very interesting chapter here. I thought it was really cute when Nathan bandaged her up, and then she turned around and started to daydream about him. It was pretty cute. i liked it; it added humor to the story.
I was a little confused about the part when Nathan started to act a little weird. Was he really on drugs? He doesn't really seem like that sort of type if he is. Just a little confusion there.
Reading on!
Hmm, you have a very interesting chapter here. I thought it was really cute when Nathan bandaged her up, and then she turned around and started to daydream about him. It was pretty cute. i liked it; it added humor to the story.
I was a little confused about the part when Nathan started to act a little weird. Was he really on drugs? He doesn't really seem like that sort of type if he is. Just a little confusion there.
Reading on!
5/25/2008 c2 Mercyette
Aww, he seems to be really sweet! I like the way you describe him through the protagonist's eyes. It really helped to deepen his character. You vocabulary was ver eloquent as well. I really like seeing storied that have you wandering what a word means. Great job on that.
The only thing I feel I should mention is the fact that he spilled his whole life story out to her. He seemed like the sort of guy who didn't want to talk, and then he's saying everything to her. Perhaps you can have her lightly inquire as to what happened? Just a suggestion.
Reading on!
Aww, he seems to be really sweet! I like the way you describe him through the protagonist's eyes. It really helped to deepen his character. You vocabulary was ver eloquent as well. I really like seeing storied that have you wandering what a word means. Great job on that.
The only thing I feel I should mention is the fact that he spilled his whole life story out to her. He seemed like the sort of guy who didn't want to talk, and then he's saying everything to her. Perhaps you can have her lightly inquire as to what happened? Just a suggestion.
Reading on!
5/25/2008 c1 Mercyette
Review for the Review Game's Review Marathon! (link in lookup)
This was a really good first chapter! The length was very nice, just long enough to give neccessary details and not long enough to scare the reader away. Good Job. I also loved the way you ended the chapter. Leave's me wanting more! Awesome job!
I saw a few typos here and there, so you might want to go back at some point check through them. It wasn't a very big deal, though. They didn't distract from the overall story.
I'll have to read on!
Review for the Review Game's Review Marathon! (link in lookup)
This was a really good first chapter! The length was very nice, just long enough to give neccessary details and not long enough to scare the reader away. Good Job. I also loved the way you ended the chapter. Leave's me wanting more! Awesome job!
I saw a few typos here and there, so you might want to go back at some point check through them. It wasn't a very big deal, though. They didn't distract from the overall story.
I'll have to read on!
5/23/2008 c10 elizabeth
I LOVE THIS CHAPTER. :D
oh man both of them sound equally nice. D:D:
but nathaniel seems nicer though. less.. rougish. :)
good descriptions there btw ;)
YAY keep writing! and you can show me the drafts x)
I LOVE THIS CHAPTER. :D
oh man both of them sound equally nice. D:D:
but nathaniel seems nicer though. less.. rougish. :)
good descriptions there btw ;)
YAY keep writing! and you can show me the drafts x)
5/12/2008 c9 jem
hello girl (:
it's so sudden! i was kind of expecting it but it's just so sudden! i don't make much sense here. but i like the way you describe :D i want! xD
Nicholas seems like this nice big brother figure. nice guy (:
yay there you go :D
hello girl (:
it's so sudden! i was kind of expecting it but it's just so sudden! i don't make much sense here. but i like the way you describe :D i want! xD
Nicholas seems like this nice big brother figure. nice guy (:
yay there you go :D
5/12/2008 c1 franticbee
Hey Deborah (:
Personally, I prefer this story to the other two.
I think I can see the link better over here and it does not have a 'deborah-to-ruimin' conversational taste in it.
THUMBS UP (:
Hey Deborah (:
Personally, I prefer this story to the other two.
I think I can see the link better over here and it does not have a 'deborah-to-ruimin' conversational taste in it.
THUMBS UP (:
5/11/2008 c9 annabelle
HAHA EH YOUR STORY PROGRESS VERY FAST HOR. one moment its G and the next its NC16 already.
xD
THANKS FOR NAMING THE RESTAURANT AFTER ME xD HAHAAH its so cute. anyway, nicholas sounds nice, BUT NATHANIEL ALL THE WAY! *waves pompom in support* and nicholas reminds me of THAT friend i had and...
you should have named him michael xD
HAHAHA
okay yes this has been a nice chapter (i like the action xD) please update soon! AND TIMMY BETTER NOT DIE. timmy = timothy..
you get the drift xD
HAHA EH YOUR STORY PROGRESS VERY FAST HOR. one moment its G and the next its NC16 already.
xD
THANKS FOR NAMING THE RESTAURANT AFTER ME xD HAHAAH its so cute. anyway, nicholas sounds nice, BUT NATHANIEL ALL THE WAY! *waves pompom in support* and nicholas reminds me of THAT friend i had and...
you should have named him michael xD
HAHAHA
okay yes this has been a nice chapter (i like the action xD) please update soon! AND TIMMY BETTER NOT DIE. timmy = timothy..
you get the drift xD
5/10/2008 c9 elizabeth
hello. paiseh too lazy to log in.
I love this chapter! HAHA. and the introduction of nicholas makes it more interesting. x) can't wait to see what happens later. :D
HAHA and I agree with jem. LSS will be pleased to see that you're revising. :D
anyways, UPDATE SOON!
hello. paiseh too lazy to log in.
I love this chapter! HAHA. and the introduction of nicholas makes it more interesting. x) can't wait to see what happens later. :D
HAHA and I agree with jem. LSS will be pleased to see that you're revising. :D
anyways, UPDATE SOON!
5/10/2008 c1 Parker
Yo. I think the Nicholas came in a little abruptly =/ Haha and oh my goodness I don't like Emma. :( But yes heh god language here you freak, and well you should update more frequently such that people's interests don't die off! I like Nathaniel. Nicholas reminds me of some fat guy, though =/ But I'm figuring he'll be nice?
Yo. I think the Nicholas came in a little abruptly =/ Haha and oh my goodness I don't like Emma. :( But yes heh god language here you freak, and well you should update more frequently such that people's interests don't die off! I like Nathaniel. Nicholas reminds me of some fat guy, though =/ But I'm figuring he'll be nice?
4/20/2008 c1 19Phoenix-ofthe-Goldenrose
Oh my goodness. I would just like to say that I'm already hooked by the first chapter. (actually, the fourth paragraph, I think, the one where she's talking about Timmy. My poor laptop is still unnamed, which makes me so sad...) So basically, Emma reminds me of me. It's a little scary. I'm one of those people who gets mystery cuts and mystery bruises (like I'll wake up only to find that I have a strange cut on my ankle and I'll freak out and get all paranoid...). Yeah. Mmhmm. Hehe, I'm wondering if Mr. Hottie is secretly the new doctor. So sad...well, whoever he is, I feel really bad for him. To the next chapter!
19Phoenix-ofthe-GoldenroseOh my goodness. I would just like to say that I'm already hooked by the first chapter. (actually, the fourth paragraph, I think, the one where she's talking about Timmy. My poor laptop is still unnamed, which makes me so sad...) So basically, Emma reminds me of me. It's a little scary. I'm one of those people who gets mystery cuts and mystery bruises (like I'll wake up only to find that I have a strange cut on my ankle and I'll freak out and get all paranoid...). Yeah. Mmhmm. Hehe, I'm wondering if Mr. Hottie is secretly the new doctor. So sad...well, whoever he is, I feel really bad for him. To the next chapter!
4/5/2008 c1 akb-inactive
Hey, thanks so much for the review! And yep, here I am to return the favor. :P I'll review as I proceed through the chapter. (:
Man, nasty way for her to wake up, haha! And it's funny because I do have friends who name their ipods and laptops. Sadly, I don't, because I lack in creativity. :P
[The clock on the wall smiled serenely back at me. 10.10 am.]
Hmm, I'm just confused with the change in time. Everything seemed to happen realy fast in the paragraphs prior, would it really take 10 minutes for all of that happen? Or maybe, you were just generalizing when it said it was ten on her watch's face.
And man, this girl is really clumsy. [Blood stains from my foot were all over the room.] Nasty!
So far, this is a wonderful beginning! I'm not sure if I missed somthing, but her name is Emma Morgan? I'm just making sure. :P And I love the conversation at the stairwell. You played it off really nicely, although I think if a guy found out his girlfriend was pregnant and it wasn't his baby, he'd say a lot more stuff. :P
But nice twist on the guy being Mr. Hottie. :P
Keep it up!
Hey, thanks so much for the review! And yep, here I am to return the favor. :P I'll review as I proceed through the chapter. (:
Man, nasty way for her to wake up, haha! And it's funny because I do have friends who name their ipods and laptops. Sadly, I don't, because I lack in creativity. :P
[The clock on the wall smiled serenely back at me. 10.10 am.]
Hmm, I'm just confused with the change in time. Everything seemed to happen realy fast in the paragraphs prior, would it really take 10 minutes for all of that happen? Or maybe, you were just generalizing when it said it was ten on her watch's face.
And man, this girl is really clumsy. [Blood stains from my foot were all over the room.] Nasty!
So far, this is a wonderful beginning! I'm not sure if I missed somthing, but her name is Emma Morgan? I'm just making sure. :P And I love the conversation at the stairwell. You played it off really nicely, although I think if a guy found out his girlfriend was pregnant and it wasn't his baby, he'd say a lot more stuff. :P
But nice twist on the guy being Mr. Hottie. :P
Keep it up!
3/15/2008 c8 parker
what, Parker has a dedication and I don't? And sucker, I just spent nearly an hour on the chapters. And it's 3 in the morning now. And I like Nathan. And Emma, as well, sorta. The "scope" of characters seem a little narrow, though. Yeah, that's the only constructive thing I can come up with. :) I want to be a doctor, oh heck I want to be Emma wth.
what, Parker has a dedication and I don't? And sucker, I just spent nearly an hour on the chapters. And it's 3 in the morning now. And I like Nathan. And Emma, as well, sorta. The "scope" of characters seem a little narrow, though. Yeah, that's the only constructive thing I can come up with. :) I want to be a doctor, oh heck I want to be Emma wth.
3/1/2008 c8 jem
During inhalation, the diaphragm contracts and flattens, causing the external intercostal muscles to contract. This causes the ribcage to move upwards and outwards, causing the outer and inner pleural membranes to rise due to surface tension between the two membranes. This results in an overall increase in the lung volume, ensuing in the decrease of intrapulmonary pressure (pressure inside the lungs). The pressure difference established between the atmosphere and the alveoli causes air to flow into the lungs.
HAHAHA LSS WILL BE SO PROUD OF YOU :D
eh it's quite interesting (:
yay!
(:
During inhalation, the diaphragm contracts and flattens, causing the external intercostal muscles to contract. This causes the ribcage to move upwards and outwards, causing the outer and inner pleural membranes to rise due to surface tension between the two membranes. This results in an overall increase in the lung volume, ensuing in the decrease of intrapulmonary pressure (pressure inside the lungs). The pressure difference established between the atmosphere and the alveoli causes air to flow into the lungs.
HAHAHA LSS WILL BE SO PROUD OF YOU :D
eh it's quite interesting (:
yay!
(:
2/29/2008 c8 cel1927
yay! update. haha is this progressing too fast or something? =\ ohwell. yeah okay jiayou!
yay! update. haha is this progressing too fast or something? =\ ohwell. yeah okay jiayou!