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for Free in You

10/13/2007 c1 Needa S
Nicely done! Write on.
10/12/2007 c1 SuperSuperMagicMe
You don't actually want me to review this, do you...

Well, I suppose I can review the poem without judging the sentiment behind it.(And yeah, I'm a Christian too. Just so y'know I'm not failing to appreciate why you wrote this!)

Purely as a poem, then, the first two lines are very good. Original imagery. I then managed to work out (I think) the connection between those two lines and the next two of that stanza. But I did have to think. The "but" at the beginning of the third line immediately makes the reader think that it's directly related to the first two when the connection is actually a little tenuous.

The next stanza is, frankly, a bit glib. The imagery of the chains etc. to represent sin is too overused, in my opinion, to be justifiable in any context. As is, I'm afraid, the bit in the last stanza - "But You opened my eyes and showed me the Light". Again, if this poem is written for others as well as yourself I personally would stay away from metaphors like that. It just makes it sound like every other post-70s hymn.

Now I'm sorry because I know that was a bit harsh. But as a reviewer I'm only trying to help!

By the way I just looked at your profile. You like Lord of the Rings - and the soundtrack - yay! (:

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