Just In
for Deflated

11/16/2007 c1 50Kristina Suko
They made me smile from the very beginning.

Haha, "I'll kill it... or something." So reassuring.

You have great dialogue- it was all very funny and didn't drop my attention for a moment. BUT the story would really benefit from description. I couldn't really "see" anything. I don't remember there being any color words aside from yellow eyes and black... everything. Like the big spider, other than the fact that it was huge, I didn't know what it looked like. Did it have a million eyes? Was it hairy? Fangs? Dripping blood? lol. You know what I mean?

But this story made me laugh. Keep writing!

~Maranwe Telrunya

P.S. Thanks for favoriting "Johnny"! I'm honored.

P.P.S. Cap'n Crunch rules. And Peanut Butter anything Ice Cream. ;)
10/20/2007 c1 2Demented Circus Tour Guide
Heehee! I was laughing so hard. Favorite part: The Godzilla spider. AHH! SPIDER!

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service