for Ivy Princess6/11/2009 c1 Lady of the Mirror
I know I've already reviewed this but. . .PLEASE, please update this! *begs shamelessly*
~~Lady of the Mirror
I know I've already reviewed this but. . .PLEASE, please update this! *begs shamelessly*
~~Lady of the Mirror
5/15/2009 c1 
1Sir Nicholas Montbank
Congratulations! You've done it! Completely and without question, you have reached the point to which all writers aspire at the dawn of a new story! You have spun something so intriguing, so original that none can duplicate it. Make it longer and you'll have yourself an eppic. Make it longer, and you'll have a book that people will not only buy but see to it that all their friends have read. Can you see your name on shelves across the country? Can you see the finished work laying in your hands? You are there. Write this story for a long, long time.
1Sir Nicholas MontbankCongratulations! You've done it! Completely and without question, you have reached the point to which all writers aspire at the dawn of a new story! You have spun something so intriguing, so original that none can duplicate it. Make it longer and you'll have yourself an eppic. Make it longer, and you'll have a book that people will not only buy but see to it that all their friends have read. Can you see your name on shelves across the country? Can you see the finished work laying in your hands? You are there. Write this story for a long, long time.
3/12/2009 c1 Kairav
The added on part of the story is wonderful. Won't you continue writing? Please. I would love to see what else happens.
Sincerly,
Unspoken Desires
The added on part of the story is wonderful. Won't you continue writing? Please. I would love to see what else happens.
Sincerly,
Unspoken Desires
12/2/2008 c1 Icyfire4w5
I appreciate the rich vocabulary throughout this chapter. I worry about the Princess' fate. "... bred for the good of us all..." sounds sinister.
I appreciate the rich vocabulary throughout this chapter. I worry about the Princess' fate. "... bred for the good of us all..." sounds sinister.
9/4/2008 c1 4Beatrice Lane
This is great! The over-all storyline, I mean, not the actual happenings. You just know something bad is gonna happen, but don't want to stop reading! And I sort of know how Ivy feels about cutting her hair, mine was the same way! Anyway, great story so-far, I can't wait to read the rest!
4Beatrice LaneThis is great! The over-all storyline, I mean, not the actual happenings. You just know something bad is gonna happen, but don't want to stop reading! And I sort of know how Ivy feels about cutting her hair, mine was the same way! Anyway, great story so-far, I can't wait to read the rest!
7/25/2008 c1 5Willowleaf
That was really good. Normally I would get tired of so much description, but you worded the whole thing perfectly (to me anyway). Like pretty much every other review has said, I hope this isn't a one-shot, but it still has a satisfying ending if it isn't.
5WillowleafThat was really good. Normally I would get tired of so much description, but you worded the whole thing perfectly (to me anyway). Like pretty much every other review has said, I hope this isn't a one-shot, but it still has a satisfying ending if it isn't.
7/23/2008 c1 24Lady Isabella De Luca
I really loved this. Do you plan on continuing it or was it a one shot kinda thing? You diction is very strong, it is precise and paints very vivid pictures. The plot felt fresh and original and the story flows along wonderfully. I particluarly liked the opening paragraph. I can't wait to read more of yours.
24Lady Isabella De LucaI really loved this. Do you plan on continuing it or was it a one shot kinda thing? You diction is very strong, it is precise and paints very vivid pictures. The plot felt fresh and original and the story flows along wonderfully. I particluarly liked the opening paragraph. I can't wait to read more of yours.
7/21/2008 c1 8Written
Is this a oneshot? There's so much you could do with it if you want to continue... as is, though, it's awesome. loved the frighteningly vivid details in particular. it reminds me randomly of 'handmaid's tale'... something about the narration and in general creepiness factor.
the use of fear and bravery is interesting, but this leaves me with so many questions! what happens next? is she being set up? does she go on to be a queen?
lovely writing from you, as always. take care!
8WrittenIs this a oneshot? There's so much you could do with it if you want to continue... as is, though, it's awesome. loved the frighteningly vivid details in particular. it reminds me randomly of 'handmaid's tale'... something about the narration and in general creepiness factor.
the use of fear and bravery is interesting, but this leaves me with so many questions! what happens next? is she being set up? does she go on to be a queen?
lovely writing from you, as always. take care!
6/8/2008 c1 2Einri Cade
1. (EXCERPT) In the earliest of memories they would cluster around her, wan ghosts in the shadows of the Tall House. (/EXCERPT)
“the earliest of memories” sounds slightly too distant for the limited third-person narrative that you seem to be using. If there was a possessive “her” written in, , it would read closer to perspective. Perhaps “her earliest of memories” or “the earliest of her memories”?
2. (EXCERPT) tall enough to reach the bleeding skies of twilight (/EXCERPT)
Um. Bleeding what? o_o
3. (EXCERPT) The lord who haunted the hills upon sundown and brought night on his heels. She would dream about him sometimes, of his cape with its trailing flame-tongues and his face aglow with a light that blinded her. (/EXCERPT)
He sounds like the sun. Why does he bring nighttime?
4. (EXCERPT) fetch her at an abnormal hour, and even then it was a fleeting recollection. The sun was a blazing eye on a bright blue canvas (/EXCERPT)
Why is that time during the day an abnormal hour? o_o
I like your narration. It reads so much like a fairytale - except for older readers. And I like the hints at the darker aspects of the princess’s life, in-between her childish innocence and her growing awareness that something was wrong. And I also like that she doesn’t really find out. It leaves a chilling feeling that contrasts appealingly with the fairytale-like manner of the rest of the narration.
Besides the bleeding earlier and the abnormality of the hour that wasn’t really clearly presented, I can’t find anything else blatantly wrong and or odd-sounding with this story. ;P
2Einri Cade1. (EXCERPT) In the earliest of memories they would cluster around her, wan ghosts in the shadows of the Tall House. (/EXCERPT)
“the earliest of memories” sounds slightly too distant for the limited third-person narrative that you seem to be using. If there was a possessive “her” written in, , it would read closer to perspective. Perhaps “her earliest of memories” or “the earliest of her memories”?
2. (EXCERPT) tall enough to reach the bleeding skies of twilight (/EXCERPT)
Um. Bleeding what? o_o
3. (EXCERPT) The lord who haunted the hills upon sundown and brought night on his heels. She would dream about him sometimes, of his cape with its trailing flame-tongues and his face aglow with a light that blinded her. (/EXCERPT)
He sounds like the sun. Why does he bring nighttime?
4. (EXCERPT) fetch her at an abnormal hour, and even then it was a fleeting recollection. The sun was a blazing eye on a bright blue canvas (/EXCERPT)
Why is that time during the day an abnormal hour? o_o
I like your narration. It reads so much like a fairytale - except for older readers. And I like the hints at the darker aspects of the princess’s life, in-between her childish innocence and her growing awareness that something was wrong. And I also like that she doesn’t really find out. It leaves a chilling feeling that contrasts appealingly with the fairytale-like manner of the rest of the narration.
Besides the bleeding earlier and the abnormality of the hour that wasn’t really clearly presented, I can’t find anything else blatantly wrong and or odd-sounding with this story. ;P
6/1/2008 c1 5Chris Rhyanne
I was browsing around and found this, and it was really good. I hope there's more to the story, and that this isn't a one-shot! This is very good though, and I hope you write more.
5Chris RhyanneI was browsing around and found this, and it was really good. I hope there's more to the story, and that this isn't a one-shot! This is very good though, and I hope you write more.
5/29/2008 c1 3Aureate Fading
Wow. *stunned silence* That was one of the most vivid stories I've read in a long, long time. Good job! =) The very first paragraph was a little awkward to read through but everything else was awesome! =) I loved it! Please update soon! I can't wait until I find out what happens to Ivy.
~~Lady of the Mirror~~
3Aureate FadingWow. *stunned silence* That was one of the most vivid stories I've read in a long, long time. Good job! =) The very first paragraph was a little awkward to read through but everything else was awesome! =) I loved it! Please update soon! I can't wait until I find out what happens to Ivy.
~~Lady of the Mirror~~
5/28/2008 c1 PLEASE DELETE THIS ACCOUNT93
what a great story so far
you really are a talented writer
you are going to write more chapters, arent u?
why does she have to be sacrificed though? that part confused me
write more soon PLEASE
what a great story so far
you really are a talented writer
you are going to write more chapters, arent u?
why does she have to be sacrificed though? that part confused me
write more soon PLEASE
5/26/2008 c1 5Rayne Boe
Oh wow! I'm not even sure where to start! I think I might as well just start at the beginning. :)
I love how you introduce the story. It's so mysterious and the imagery is so nicely worded that it just drew me in.
I like Ivy. She's strong-willed but also naive and innocent; it also makes me worry about her fate-since she's a sacrifice and all. ): She's very much like a fairytale princess. :)
I also like Leitha and Basil's roles in the story and especially how Leitha appears at the beginning and the end at the same sort of ritual-like-thing but the portrayal of her character changes completely in that time. I loved how you used "mechanic words" near the end and how all the stories and everything are described as more mechanical as the chapter continued to that point. :) Speaking of which, I loved how Ivy just intuitively responded to Basil that a true princess never fears, showing just how much Leitha's stories have affected her as well as her yearning to do her purpose.
Her purpose, however, is never explicitly stated, and it doesn't seem like Ivy has much more of a clue than we do. :) Oh the suspense!
I also like how, while it sort of mimics a fairytale, the story itself doesn't read much like one of the simple ones we see in books-except for only certain parts, which are probably on purpose, and universal themes-and is much, much darker than fairytales should be.
I also love how all the conversations presented in the earlier part of the chapter come together again at the end. It definitely added to the overwhelming sense of doom. :)
The last line, however, I felt was a bit out of place because it sounded like it was beginning something new and then just sort of cut off (since it mirrors a line earlier in the story that led the story up until the end).
Overall, I thought your diction, vocabulary, and sentence structure were all pretty amazing. :) I really like this story and I'm very curious to see where you'll be heading with it.
This is a great piece of work so far. :)
~Rayne Boe
5Rayne BoeOh wow! I'm not even sure where to start! I think I might as well just start at the beginning. :)
I love how you introduce the story. It's so mysterious and the imagery is so nicely worded that it just drew me in.
I like Ivy. She's strong-willed but also naive and innocent; it also makes me worry about her fate-since she's a sacrifice and all. ): She's very much like a fairytale princess. :)
I also like Leitha and Basil's roles in the story and especially how Leitha appears at the beginning and the end at the same sort of ritual-like-thing but the portrayal of her character changes completely in that time. I loved how you used "mechanic words" near the end and how all the stories and everything are described as more mechanical as the chapter continued to that point. :) Speaking of which, I loved how Ivy just intuitively responded to Basil that a true princess never fears, showing just how much Leitha's stories have affected her as well as her yearning to do her purpose.
Her purpose, however, is never explicitly stated, and it doesn't seem like Ivy has much more of a clue than we do. :) Oh the suspense!
I also like how, while it sort of mimics a fairytale, the story itself doesn't read much like one of the simple ones we see in books-except for only certain parts, which are probably on purpose, and universal themes-and is much, much darker than fairytales should be.
I also love how all the conversations presented in the earlier part of the chapter come together again at the end. It definitely added to the overwhelming sense of doom. :)
The last line, however, I felt was a bit out of place because it sounded like it was beginning something new and then just sort of cut off (since it mirrors a line earlier in the story that led the story up until the end).
Overall, I thought your diction, vocabulary, and sentence structure were all pretty amazing. :) I really like this story and I'm very curious to see where you'll be heading with it.
This is a great piece of work so far. :)
~Rayne Boe