for Portrayed Perfection8/24/2012 c22 AnonymousReads
You had some spelling mistakes like rapped shoul be wrapped, and some gramar ones but... Great story. :)
You had some spelling mistakes like rapped shoul be wrapped, and some gramar ones but... Great story. :)
10/20/2008 c22 
3Rachy94
Hi
That was a really good story and i enjoyed reading it. I liked it because you actually wrote about the reactions most teenagers have with abuse and you didnt make lite of the situation.
keep writing
rachael
3Rachy94Hi
That was a really good story and i enjoyed reading it. I liked it because you actually wrote about the reactions most teenagers have with abuse and you didnt make lite of the situation.
keep writing
rachael
7/12/2008 c22 11x-d3vilz3v3-x
i really liked this story...it kept me so hooked on to it. it's really amazing. keep up the hot work!:P
xoxo
11x-d3vilz3v3-xi really liked this story...it kept me so hooked on to it. it's really amazing. keep up the hot work!:P
xoxo
1/21/2008 c1 5Snaffles
The story is going good right now but there are a lot of errors. Not serious ones,but sometimes they do interfere with the fluidity of your story.
Michelle was the girl that loved to party and was the Latina queen at our school. She is a very social girl to and knows about all the gossip, so whenever there is anything to know you would have to ask her and she could tell you the story. Then there was Jessica Jonas, she’s the girl that loves to listen to music and you could have a serious talk with. She is also like a mother in a way because she tells you when you are doing something bad and will scold you. I love them both to sum it up.
Here you used both past and present tense. I notice you do this a lot. I makes the story less cohesive.
You also have you minor spelling and grammatical errors like "to" instead of "too" and "rapped" instead of "wrapped".
You need commas. It is VERY hard to read a story for the story when you are being distracted by silly mistakes.
I really think that you need an editor if you are going to want to get this published. The editor will find mistakes you miss so you will have a good chance of getting most of the errors out.
Good luck!
5SnafflesThe story is going good right now but there are a lot of errors. Not serious ones,but sometimes they do interfere with the fluidity of your story.
Michelle was the girl that loved to party and was the Latina queen at our school. She is a very social girl to and knows about all the gossip, so whenever there is anything to know you would have to ask her and she could tell you the story. Then there was Jessica Jonas, she’s the girl that loves to listen to music and you could have a serious talk with. She is also like a mother in a way because she tells you when you are doing something bad and will scold you. I love them both to sum it up.
Here you used both past and present tense. I notice you do this a lot. I makes the story less cohesive.
You also have you minor spelling and grammatical errors like "to" instead of "too" and "rapped" instead of "wrapped".
You need commas. It is VERY hard to read a story for the story when you are being distracted by silly mistakes.
I really think that you need an editor if you are going to want to get this published. The editor will find mistakes you miss so you will have a good chance of getting most of the errors out.
Good luck!
1/18/2008 c1 ellaforevaaa
not to sound like an english teacher or something, but you need more commas. However, I love the story!
not to sound like an english teacher or something, but you need more commas. However, I love the story!
1/13/2008 c3 Khan
this story is dumb...the 'hahaha's are stupid and IAN is gay!
this story is dumb...the 'hahaha's are stupid and IAN is gay!
1/2/2008 c1 ewe
hey,
im a new reader, what i've read (chapter 1) is pretty good.
i'd jus like to point out that the wrapped you were looking 4 is spelt with a w.
i realise this story is complete, but i hope that helps!
-ewe.
hey,
im a new reader, what i've read (chapter 1) is pretty good.
i'd jus like to point out that the wrapped you were looking 4 is spelt with a w.
i realise this story is complete, but i hope that helps!
-ewe.
12/31/2007 c22 a.mooch
Tis the end? Ah, well, All went well.
I still think that you should take a look at your grammar in some chapters, I commented about all the ones that really bothered me.
This, in all, was a wonderful story. I am happy to say that the ending was, though slightly predictable, wonderful anyways.
I am going to be waiting for an update on your other story :)
MWAH! (Oh, ick... that does NOT sound like me...) How bout... LATER DUDE!
-Evil Angel of DOOM
Tis the end? Ah, well, All went well.
I still think that you should take a look at your grammar in some chapters, I commented about all the ones that really bothered me.
This, in all, was a wonderful story. I am happy to say that the ending was, though slightly predictable, wonderful anyways.
I am going to be waiting for an update on your other story :)
MWAH! (Oh, ick... that does NOT sound like me...) How bout... LATER DUDE!
-Evil Angel of DOOM
12/31/2007 c22 3Mrs. MJackson
nice endin...so, did the father not have any motive behind killin the mom then wantin to kill the daughter?
3Mrs. MJacksonnice endin...so, did the father not have any motive behind killin the mom then wantin to kill the daughter?
12/31/2007 c22 8laternflickeredinmymind
wow, i can't believe that it is over. . .
you think that maybe you could do a part two?
I would love to read it!:)
though, I put you on my author alerts, so i will be reading your future stories!
~xxstarryeyedxx~
8laternflickeredinmymindwow, i can't believe that it is over. . .
you think that maybe you could do a part two?
I would love to read it!:)
though, I put you on my author alerts, so i will be reading your future stories!
~xxstarryeyedxx~