for Ever After Are For Kids7/7/2008 c10 
1Kneecap
Eep, I ran out of time to review every chapter, so I thought I'd just review the last chapter.
Well, honey. Er, don't take this personally, but really, you need a Beta. There were just so many WTF moments because the tenses just wouldn't stay the same :(. Is it written in past or present tense? I just can't tell. You change tenses WITHIN sentences! Ek! I stuggled really badly with trying to understand things. There were also a fair few grammar and spelling issues :(, and I'm really sorry to say that there were so many of them that it actually made it difficult to read through the story. I'm sorry if that came out mean.
All in all, it's not a bad story, I REALLY loved the first chapter; it was gripping and well written and there weren't that many typos etc. Where did it all go wrong? It just felt like it...lost the will to live after the first chapter...like me. Please, think about editing this? The grammar...you can do SO much better!
I'm sorry to be so critical all the time but...the sex scene in chapter 9. WHAT WAS THAT? It seemed at first like you were building up into something quite graphic but then...you just...cut it off with the line "Needless to say, we found our way into the room and fucked until the sun shined its way to a new day"- honey. Please NEVER do that again! It's just...a horrible way to describe sex. It lacks any detail at all...
GUH! I'm gonna stop before I become rude. I think that the story would be a hell of a lot better if you edited it :). Yeah?
1KneecapEep, I ran out of time to review every chapter, so I thought I'd just review the last chapter.
Well, honey. Er, don't take this personally, but really, you need a Beta. There were just so many WTF moments because the tenses just wouldn't stay the same :(. Is it written in past or present tense? I just can't tell. You change tenses WITHIN sentences! Ek! I stuggled really badly with trying to understand things. There were also a fair few grammar and spelling issues :(, and I'm really sorry to say that there were so many of them that it actually made it difficult to read through the story. I'm sorry if that came out mean.
All in all, it's not a bad story, I REALLY loved the first chapter; it was gripping and well written and there weren't that many typos etc. Where did it all go wrong? It just felt like it...lost the will to live after the first chapter...like me. Please, think about editing this? The grammar...you can do SO much better!
I'm sorry to be so critical all the time but...the sex scene in chapter 9. WHAT WAS THAT? It seemed at first like you were building up into something quite graphic but then...you just...cut it off with the line "Needless to say, we found our way into the room and fucked until the sun shined its way to a new day"- honey. Please NEVER do that again! It's just...a horrible way to describe sex. It lacks any detail at all...
GUH! I'm gonna stop before I become rude. I think that the story would be a hell of a lot better if you edited it :). Yeah?
7/6/2008 c2 Kneecap
Whoah. Ok. It might just be cause I'm tired, but I was SO confused about the narration in this chapter!
I hadn't got a clue who was who and I was like 'Who the hell is Paolo?' xD. I think I'm just tired.
But one thing you REALLY need to watch out for...tense changes. Eek. There were SO MANY here! I can't even tell if it's supposed to be in present or past tense here! Guh!
But it does have some good characterisation! Good job!
Whoah. Ok. It might just be cause I'm tired, but I was SO confused about the narration in this chapter!
I hadn't got a clue who was who and I was like 'Who the hell is Paolo?' xD. I think I'm just tired.
But one thing you REALLY need to watch out for...tense changes. Eek. There were SO MANY here! I can't even tell if it's supposed to be in present or past tense here! Guh!
But it does have some good characterisation! Good job!
7/6/2008 c1 Kneecap
OMFG, I'm so sorry it's taken me like...a month to review you back *looks guilty*.
SO YEAH! I'm revewing you ^^.
And why the hell does this only have 20 odd reviews? It's fegging mint.
I love it. The last line especially was very powerful. Drew me into your story. :D.
Other than a few spelling mistakes and a dodgy tense change in the middle ("A smiled crossed my face as I gaze at him fondly"- Gazed?), I've got no complaints :D.
Well doen on your language too!
OMFG, I'm so sorry it's taken me like...a month to review you back *looks guilty*.
SO YEAH! I'm revewing you ^^.
And why the hell does this only have 20 odd reviews? It's fegging mint.
I love it. The last line especially was very powerful. Drew me into your story. :D.
Other than a few spelling mistakes and a dodgy tense change in the middle ("A smiled crossed my face as I gaze at him fondly"- Gazed?), I've got no complaints :D.
Well doen on your language too!
4/29/2008 c10 4Elaine Ross
Wow, interesting events so far. Now we get to see Marc's side of life, and life's become a piece of $#!+ for him. Who could that 'stranger' be...? Anyway, keep it up. Nice flow of events, and great grammar ;)
4Elaine RossWow, interesting events so far. Now we get to see Marc's side of life, and life's become a piece of $#!+ for him. Who could that 'stranger' be...? Anyway, keep it up. Nice flow of events, and great grammar ;)
4/20/2008 c10 13Tsumujikaze no Soujutsu
Ok, I'll say that this story's quite good in a sense that you did quite a lot on the Marc's development. To be honest though, I got a bit disturbed by the more explicit scenes here due to my religion. Yeah, I'm a homophobic. So sue me lol! XD But truth to be said, at least I can just chooes to skim through these parts, so no problem on the whole. Well, for CCs... erm... to be honest, I can't think of any because I'm a bit brain dead due to the time I'm typing this now. It's like near six in the morning, you know... O_O but just something from a subjective point of view, I think I'd like to see more developments and a cut down in the sexual scenes. Sorry if this offends you. Not offense meant here. It's just that I'm much more into the development focus of characters in the stories I've read. Anyway, good to review this story on the whole. And yeah, I'm like wtf when I saw that you've managed to read Circles of ARven all in one shot. I'm like "dude, is there really anyone with that kind of attention span" kind reaction. Anyway, adding this into my story alert. And yeah, hope to see your reviews for my other stories namely Wolfblood and The Elven Chronicles as well soon. I think that if you like CoA, then you may like the other two although the common feeling from my constant reviewers is that one of my stories is better than the other two by differing views if you get what I mean. Anyway, are you a Filipino? I sort of got this impression when I saw that you actually based this story in that country...
13Tsumujikaze no SoujutsuOk, I'll say that this story's quite good in a sense that you did quite a lot on the Marc's development. To be honest though, I got a bit disturbed by the more explicit scenes here due to my religion. Yeah, I'm a homophobic. So sue me lol! XD But truth to be said, at least I can just chooes to skim through these parts, so no problem on the whole. Well, for CCs... erm... to be honest, I can't think of any because I'm a bit brain dead due to the time I'm typing this now. It's like near six in the morning, you know... O_O but just something from a subjective point of view, I think I'd like to see more developments and a cut down in the sexual scenes. Sorry if this offends you. Not offense meant here. It's just that I'm much more into the development focus of characters in the stories I've read. Anyway, good to review this story on the whole. And yeah, I'm like wtf when I saw that you've managed to read Circles of ARven all in one shot. I'm like "dude, is there really anyone with that kind of attention span" kind reaction. Anyway, adding this into my story alert. And yeah, hope to see your reviews for my other stories namely Wolfblood and The Elven Chronicles as well soon. I think that if you like CoA, then you may like the other two although the common feeling from my constant reviewers is that one of my stories is better than the other two by differing views if you get what I mean. Anyway, are you a Filipino? I sort of got this impression when I saw that you actually based this story in that country...
4/18/2008 c1 Tsumujikaze no Soujutsu
Well, basically, I'm not too used to reading slash fics in general, but guess I'll give this one a go... anyway, it's just the beginning, so can't really say anything concrete. But at least I think you've set the mood for this story at this chapter. And I don't know why, but I've got this feeling that you're doing this story within some kind of AU. Correct me if I'm wrong... anyway, the end seems interesting. Will this story be about the past of the character doing the POV? Curious to find out... anyway, thanks very much for adding my story Circles of Arven into your story alert. Hope to see reviews for it soon! ^^ Bye! :)
Well, basically, I'm not too used to reading slash fics in general, but guess I'll give this one a go... anyway, it's just the beginning, so can't really say anything concrete. But at least I think you've set the mood for this story at this chapter. And I don't know why, but I've got this feeling that you're doing this story within some kind of AU. Correct me if I'm wrong... anyway, the end seems interesting. Will this story be about the past of the character doing the POV? Curious to find out... anyway, thanks very much for adding my story Circles of Arven into your story alert. Hope to see reviews for it soon! ^^ Bye! :)
4/4/2008 c10 4mandrake-o
How amusing.
I wasn't sure about this story in the beginning, but it's picking up. I'm glad you got Paolo out of the way relatively early, without too much drama. I mean, I think it was the right amount of drama.
Looking forward to reading more,
=) Mandraco.
4mandrake-oHow amusing.
I wasn't sure about this story in the beginning, but it's picking up. I'm glad you got Paolo out of the way relatively early, without too much drama. I mean, I think it was the right amount of drama.
Looking forward to reading more,
=) Mandraco.
2/28/2008 c9 51Kenya Bloodstone
LOL I loved this chapter it was amusing... Poor Seb with the hang over from hell, I have friends who say it isn't fair that I don't get hangovers. Great chapter I loved it and yes there is too much competition when it comes to bi's lol.
51Kenya BloodstoneLOL I loved this chapter it was amusing... Poor Seb with the hang over from hell, I have friends who say it isn't fair that I don't get hangovers. Great chapter I loved it and yes there is too much competition when it comes to bi's lol.
2/27/2008 c9 Carlette
Ooh ehehehe!
I loved the ending! That was just amazing!
Stupid guys who are bisexual and sleep around! Not that I have anything against bisexual guys... only when they sleep around! Yeah!
Anyway, I can't wait to read more!
Ooh ehehehe!
I loved the ending! That was just amazing!
Stupid guys who are bisexual and sleep around! Not that I have anything against bisexual guys... only when they sleep around! Yeah!
Anyway, I can't wait to read more!
2/27/2008 c9 Ambriel
Ha! Marc shows some character. Take that evil bisexual guy!
He doesn't need mindless sex he needs some cute boy to cuddle him half to death! ;)
Thank you for updating! :D Can't wait to read more!
Ha! Marc shows some character. Take that evil bisexual guy!
He doesn't need mindless sex he needs some cute boy to cuddle him half to death! ;)
Thank you for updating! :D Can't wait to read more!
2/21/2008 c8 Kenya Bloodstone
OMG I love this story Paolo sucks but I love Marc. Jon is such a sweety and even Kris is a decent guy. Kudos so many times. This story really is awesome please update soon!
OMG I love this story Paolo sucks but I love Marc. Jon is such a sweety and even Kris is a decent guy. Kudos so many times. This story really is awesome please update soon!
2/12/2008 c8 Ambriel
Gah! Poor Marc! I'm all teary eyed for him right now! ;_; I hope you update soon~!
Gah! Poor Marc! I'm all teary eyed for him right now! ;_; I hope you update soon~!
2/11/2008 c8 Carlette
Oh my God! That's so sad :(
I hate Paolo! He didn't deserve Marc in the first place then!
I was happy that Kris seemed to care :)
Gah! I hope you update soon! I'm falling even more in love with this story!
Oh my God! That's so sad :(
I hate Paolo! He didn't deserve Marc in the first place then!
I was happy that Kris seemed to care :)
Gah! I hope you update soon! I'm falling even more in love with this story!
2/7/2008 c7 Carlette
NO!
YOU CAN'T END IT THERE!
I knew something bad was going to happen... Paolo is getting married isn't he?
Besides the depression at the ending of this chapter, I LOVED the part where Marc wakes up with Kris's arm wrapped around him! xD
I hope you update soon! I'm dying for more!
NO!
YOU CAN'T END IT THERE!
I knew something bad was going to happen... Paolo is getting married isn't he?
Besides the depression at the ending of this chapter, I LOVED the part where Marc wakes up with Kris's arm wrapped around him! xD
I hope you update soon! I'm dying for more!