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for A Fantasy story

10/27/2007 c1 4Zenerai
It's certainly a great start Utopia but there are certainly some problems here and there that could be fixed.

Verb tense - keep the tense of your words, whether past, present or future the same throughout your paragraphs and typically your entire chapter, (though keeping it the same through your entire chapter is up to definite debate).

Some editing could be done as well, give your chapters a once over, and even a spellcheck, before you post them. Placing spaces after commas is something that could be done here and some words could be put together like, back ground.

It's not all bad though in earnest. This sets up a very intriging background for this small girl to eventually become something great through her trials. Perhaps the next chapter appears twenty years down the timeline where this girl has become a great Mage, Assassin or perhaps a governor of some manner. Nice job and good luck on further chapters Utopia.

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