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for a city of ridiculous dreams

6/24/2008 c1 5Alice Carrie
well, in some ways i think the protagonist's dreams have come true. maybe not about the lover, or it is not written in pen, but this story, has changed my perspective and probably many others as well. the readers might not know who this antagonist is, and she might not be that popular, yet. The story is beautiful. something intrigues me about it, maybe its because i have moved to a totally different culture and city. with high hopes, and full of regret. i could relate to the story well. i wish there was a whole novel about it, but thats just me. well done, good job.
10/27/2007 c1 4notoriousreviewer
"trust not to angels, nor to stars" - "trust not in angels, nor in stars" I think.

"truthful hopeful idealism, I said it was philosophy not naïveté; because my eyes were open" - "truthful, hopeful idealism: I said it was philosophy, not naïveté, because my eyes were open."

Again, not sure if in my version it should be a colon or semi-colon. Don't be afraid to sound straightforward and leave the the airy, fanciful stuff for later. I learned that the hard way- urgh. And I obviously still haven't figured out basic punctuation rules. *facepalm*

"even now wandering the city I feel that the next corner something magical spontaneous beautiful will happen." -*giggles* You sure distribute your commas strangely. Too many in one place, none in others... You need one after "city, "magical" and "spontaneous" for that sentence to make any sense. You also need something like "around" or "behind" before "the next corner."

Those are just a few little nitpicked examples, but you have to get all the little mistakes straightened out to start noticing and correcting them. *wonders where SHE gets off telling other people how to write.*

Incidentally, the city isn't New York, is it?

Otherwise: *stares* Nicely done. Hrm. I had a thought at the beginning of reading this, and although it actually has nothing to do with your story, I think you might enjoy this: http:/w-rohan.

I hope your computer will comply with that. It's a short story by the wonderful fantasy/science fiction writer Ursula K. LeGuin. Prepare to be bowelled over when you read it. And please do! I think just about everyone in the world should read it.

I'd like to comment that I like your penname. Very pretty! I also see that the no capitalization is a perpetual thing, and the spacing- is it restricted to your poetry? I guess I'll find out. I'm not sure what my opinion of the lack of capitalization in this story is...on one hand, it's harmless, and you're sensitive enough to at least capitalize all the "I"s...but on the other hand, it's PROSE, and there's specific rules you're supposed to abide by...and there seems to be no point to it.

Oof! It's past midnight! I shoulda realized that earlier...*sigh* Well, you're on my bookmarks list now, so I'll finish up reading tomorrow. Cheers!

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