for a splash of light11/1/2007 c1 
54kaylajac
hey there stranger. I know I haven't been reviewing and you've written a lot of new stuff [I was grounded from my comp] so I only have time for one review right now, but I'll get to the others, don't worry :]
anyway- I can honestly say, flat-out, this is the best poem you've ever written. well, that I've read. it's so intelligent and wry without being too wordy. and the last couple of lines are just so honest and well-put. the second stanza- also amazing. god, I love your diction. haha. very nice dear.
54kaylajachey there stranger. I know I haven't been reviewing and you've written a lot of new stuff [I was grounded from my comp] so I only have time for one review right now, but I'll get to the others, don't worry :]
anyway- I can honestly say, flat-out, this is the best poem you've ever written. well, that I've read. it's so intelligent and wry without being too wordy. and the last couple of lines are just so honest and well-put. the second stanza- also amazing. god, I love your diction. haha. very nice dear.
10/28/2007 c1 4notoriousreviewer
*hides in shame* I KNEW I must've gotten the "bowled over" thing wrong, but I was too lazy to check up on it. So much for not seeming hypocritical.
Hrm. I was about to comment on the usage of "illimitable"..but it turns out you're actually right. *bewildered* I've ALWAYS heard "unlimitable"!
The two random parentheses? A mistake?
Meandering into personal preference, I think the intro is a bit weak. The way you break up the stanzas make it hard to connect what you're trying to say. If this were my poem, I'd have put-
"truly I tell you: it was dark)
& ever-so-suddenly, light splashed,
exposing the illimitable possibility of your green eyes"
-into one stanza and then leave the rest as you have it. The bit that you said about looking at it from a reader's POV is true! I guess you tried to write it the way you thought it should be read aloud? Or something to that effect...but I suppose if we can't hear you read it, then we just have to figure out a way we like best.
I'm actually not going to comment on the nature and emotion of the poem this time. I have far too much personal bias on this subject right now, and I'd probably end up bashing you. However, I like the way you used "ever-so-suchandsuch"! That kind of thing makes me happy. :)
4notoriousreviewer*hides in shame* I KNEW I must've gotten the "bowled over" thing wrong, but I was too lazy to check up on it. So much for not seeming hypocritical.
Hrm. I was about to comment on the usage of "illimitable"..but it turns out you're actually right. *bewildered* I've ALWAYS heard "unlimitable"!
The two random parentheses? A mistake?
Meandering into personal preference, I think the intro is a bit weak. The way you break up the stanzas make it hard to connect what you're trying to say. If this were my poem, I'd have put-
"truly I tell you: it was dark)
& ever-so-suddenly, light splashed,
exposing the illimitable possibility of your green eyes"
-into one stanza and then leave the rest as you have it. The bit that you said about looking at it from a reader's POV is true! I guess you tried to write it the way you thought it should be read aloud? Or something to that effect...but I suppose if we can't hear you read it, then we just have to figure out a way we like best.
I'm actually not going to comment on the nature and emotion of the poem this time. I have far too much personal bias on this subject right now, and I'd probably end up bashing you. However, I like the way you used "ever-so-suchandsuch"! That kind of thing makes me happy. :)
10/28/2007 c1 42Kicking Poe
I love how it's just a momentary glimpse into this relationship yet defines the nature of love so well. lovely images and formatting. cheers.
42Kicking PoeI love how it's just a momentary glimpse into this relationship yet defines the nature of love so well. lovely images and formatting. cheers.