10/29/2007 c1 Tytherpol
i really love this.

the tone is that of any rock song from the seventies that my dad would speak through when i was younger-

sounding out every word like it was vitally important and the deepest thing in the world

asking by his tone whether i understood or not.

...it feels like that.

only, i would completely 86 the whole

2nd stanza (I don't have time ...)

4th stanza

and 6th stanza

if i was the one who wrote this.

they sort of take away completely from the incredible scene you painted in the odd numbered stanzas

and they are a little insulting/redundant

because you say the same thing in the imagery words

as you say in the even-stanza straight-forward ones.

but it's a really nice piece except for those.

good job. -ty.