for The Ideal Man5/28/2013 c11 Myrtho
if this is the end i don't think so. please upgrade we need to know much about the relationship if the mom and Devon will be ok with their relationship. please upgrade
if this is the end i don't think so. please upgrade we need to know much about the relationship if the mom and Devon will be ok with their relationship. please upgrade
5/22/2013 c11 Myrtho
where is the rest of the story please we want the finish on your story it is very interresting
where is the rest of the story please we want the finish on your story it is very interresting
1/23/2012 c11 empress11690
WOW! This was sooo good! omg! Its new and a fresh take on something I've felt I've read overa and over again! I can NOT wait to see what you come up with next! please update soon... ...or I'll find you.(j/k) just kidding...really.(evilglare)
WOW! This was sooo good! omg! Its new and a fresh take on something I've felt I've read overa and over again! I can NOT wait to see what you come up with next! please update soon... ...or I'll find you.(j/k) just kidding...really.(evilglare)
3/15/2011 c2 
8ChemicalHazzard
One thing that I noticed about your story, and what stopped me from getting past the 2nd chapter is that you go over EVERY detail. Like you describe everything they're doing to the extreme, which in some cases makes for good description, but at points you're literally making a list of their actions.
I can tell you, a reader could car less about which hand Tray was holding his toothbrush in. Putting in so much detail prevents the stroy from moving at a pace where someone could stay interested, it's pretty monotonous at times. And I'm sorry if it sounds like i'm being rude, i'm just trying to help you improve your writing skills.
8ChemicalHazzardOne thing that I noticed about your story, and what stopped me from getting past the 2nd chapter is that you go over EVERY detail. Like you describe everything they're doing to the extreme, which in some cases makes for good description, but at points you're literally making a list of their actions.
I can tell you, a reader could car less about which hand Tray was holding his toothbrush in. Putting in so much detail prevents the stroy from moving at a pace where someone could stay interested, it's pretty monotonous at times. And I'm sorry if it sounds like i'm being rude, i'm just trying to help you improve your writing skills.
2/12/2011 c1 shackled to the planet
I read until the last chapter even though I'm reviewing in Ch.1 but I like the story. The Rocker and the Lawyer. Intresting combination, usually Lawyers are with domestic type dudes. Plus that this couple is black and white too. Keep writing please.
I read until the last chapter even though I'm reviewing in Ch.1 but I like the story. The Rocker and the Lawyer. Intresting combination, usually Lawyers are with domestic type dudes. Plus that this couple is black and white too. Keep writing please.
2/6/2011 c1 8ChemicalHazzard
I tried my best to read this, really I did.
But you fluctuated from past tense to present way too often, and the way you write seems quite stop and start. There's no better way for me to put it. Storyline sounds alright but not everyone can be a Stephanie Meyer and run a book on plot only.
I also noticed little mistakes like "where" and "were", these things pull people out of the story because it doesn't flow.
I suggest revision becuase it does seem like it has promise
8ChemicalHazzardI tried my best to read this, really I did.
But you fluctuated from past tense to present way too often, and the way you write seems quite stop and start. There's no better way for me to put it. Storyline sounds alright but not everyone can be a Stephanie Meyer and run a book on plot only.
I also noticed little mistakes like "where" and "were", these things pull people out of the story because it doesn't flow.
I suggest revision becuase it does seem like it has promise
12/5/2010 c11 Alixermixer
It's sad about how the people closest to them are acting but I hope that they are able to get through it.
It's sad about how the people closest to them are acting but I hope that they are able to get through it.
8/15/2010 c10 starlitwisher
I like Lilly.
I like Lilly.
8/14/2010 c11 IndianPrincess
Great update and welcome back missed this story. I'm glad her mom is gone back home too and that Tray told her about his crazy family as well looking forward to the next update thanks have a great day!
Great update and welcome back missed this story. I'm glad her mom is gone back home too and that Tray told her about his crazy family as well looking forward to the next update thanks have a great day!
8/13/2010 c11 biomed08
GREAT GREAT UPDATE! I'm so glad tray went to go see Aleen and told off Devon. Either Devon needs to get his act together or Tray needs to dump him. I'm also glad that didn't ruin the relationship between ALeen and Tray because its still sort of new but you can tell they really care for each other. cant wait for the next update!
GREAT GREAT UPDATE! I'm so glad tray went to go see Aleen and told off Devon. Either Devon needs to get his act together or Tray needs to dump him. I'm also glad that didn't ruin the relationship between ALeen and Tray because its still sort of new but you can tell they really care for each other. cant wait for the next update!