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for Sweet Fate

6/19/2009 c1 jstsumrandomgirl XD
very nice, very cute;) lol. sweet. i lyk how hes such a big kid but still so darn loveable lol.

keep rockin;)
3/21/2009 c1 DLETE THIS OLD
thanks for showing the review button :) cute story!
1/13/2009 c1 1Izzey
nice story
5/30/2008 c1 11Lucid Lune in Acoustic
I really liked this. It was so cool the way they met and hooked up. I liked how she talked to her Father when they were caught. Same thing I would have done, lol. I wos wondering if you still Reviewed, even though you don't write here anymore. Cause if you do I was wondering if you would Review one of my stories. Anyone, you pick lol. Let me know. Bye.
2/19/2008 c1 24Mad for Figs
Uber late review. Again. Apologies.

Anyway, the title was cute. It matched the basic plot line of the story. But I didn't really like the beginning. It seemed a bit vague to me and rushed. It doesn't seem to flow so well and just impedes on the progress of the remainder of the story.

The immediate asking-out-on-a-date scenario is a bit unrealistic to me. Personally, I like to see a bit of how the whole thing happened. What was running through his mind, etc. That part felt a bit too FP to me.

And just a question, how long did their relationship go for when he said "ILY?" Just a question concerning time.

It's a cute story line in general. My one concern is its speed, which I do supposed is normal since it's a one shot and everything. But a few more words wouldn't kill the overall effect.

Anyway, I did like it though, don't get me wrong. Better 'time' management would be appreciated though.
2/3/2008 c1 criti-sized
Hey, I'm back again, and ready to review you.

To bo honest the beginning of this one shot doesn't really interest me like your other short did, but it seems like it's catchy.

"She reached the cashier first and it was all he could do the second she pronounced “sugar”, sprinting to her and the cashier, hoping over the counter, diving for the cookie." Lol, the first sentence was definitely catchy. Also, 'hoping' should be 'hopping'.

"...a Peter Pan in a world of humans." I really liked this sentence. It expressed a lot about his character in so little words.

" (nearly, just nearly-he loved his baked goods too much to let go)." I don't think that the parenthesis are that necessary... especially since it's in third person.

"Athletic. Muscular. Tan. And just a bit boyish. Just. My. Type. She let her thoughts carry her away." Lol, talk about letting her thoughts carry her away, wow I wish I had the time to do that.

Wow, they haven't exchanged names, numbers, or even reall looks, and she's hooking up with him. Talk about fast, lol.

"...losing her train of thought as her mind flooded with notions of how he tasted like caramel." Lol, caramel.

Though the ending seemed a bit fast paced, I guess it makes sense due to the fact that it's a one shot and they aren't supposed to be that long and boring, lol. I think for this short, the fact that they expressed they loved each other was pretty false, but that's my personal opinion.

Good short,

1/30/2008 c1 8incandescente
It was just the way he was, a never aging little boy in a forever growing body, a Peter Pan in a world of humans. - I liked this line. :)

Worse than the time his mom had yelled at him for taking the car and totaling it, underage. Worse than the time that one girl cried when he had snatched her ice cream cone. - Worse? How? What did he feel? What happened to him physically? Why was it worse?

He turned around to get a good look at her, maybe toss her an apologetic “sorry”, - I thought he had already seen her as stated in the paragraph before it?


This story was short and to the point, skipping over unnecessary details. That is your strong point - knowing what to put in at the right now. Do make use of that skill well. :)
11/22/2007 c1 Delayed Flight
I laughed so hard when he grabbed the cookie :), and I just loved the whole thing!
11/22/2007 c1 49Pinkamoo
Meeting by biscuits, quite original there :p Short, but sweet!
11/20/2007 c1 2Saphimire Karishnikova

This is cutest thing ever! ♥
11/20/2007 c1 3starlit x sky

That was really sweet.

I loved it!
11/19/2007 c1 7ManicBlue
aw! i loved it! especially the chocolate cake part! yummy!
11/19/2007 c1 SparklingStar25
sweet!oohh!i seriously love this...its just to adorably cute!ha ha
11/18/2007 c1 9Lily Llynn

I'm beyond psyched that you're psyched that your story's in my c2! (: LOL. Now onto the actual reviewing-ness.

This was so sweet and cute, and I loved it. Oh and funny. I really really liked it, especially since the writing was well, readable. XD (In other words, quite awesome.) I looked at your prof (obviously) and I can't wait to see your story, Technical Difficulties! :]
11/18/2007 c1 4GrannyP
Aw.. that was so cute and sweet. I am sure that has been said a bunch of times already. But it's true. I like the switch of points of view. Great job!
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