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4/12/2008 c16 Crowmanhunter
E, I can't believe I actually read all of that. Not because it was long, but ebcause it was so horribly bad.

Forgive my bluntness.

Some quick tips. Try not to use so many words on describing something for no reason at all. For instance, there was the time Davialo opened a door and you wrote, "And he used his strong muscular porcelain arms." I mean, it's nice of you to give us the detail and all, but dear god, don't just throw words into it for no reason. It would be like during a conversation, just out of habit, you decide to start describing the shape of a tile next to someone's foot. Every word should be there for a reason.

It's like the old saying goes,

"Don't mistaken something that is just very for something that is just infinitely. Because then when you see something that truly is infinite, you have no words left to describe it."
11/22/2007 c1 1killmeslownow
This is really interesting. Please keep writing. Good story.

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