for Champions of New Brooklyn2/5/2008 c1 
14Cougar Draven
It was interesting. Very fun to read, though I must say that I had some issues following the action at certain points. But I would definitely love to read more of this.
14Cougar DravenIt was interesting. Very fun to read, though I must say that I had some issues following the action at certain points. But I would definitely love to read more of this.
11/21/2007 c1 19Burnt Bread
Just finished reading it, the beginning seems interesting though I'll refrain from further comment until I've read more. The only thing I have a problem with is the phrasing of some parts, they just seem strange. For example, "Arlen shot awake", probably isn't the best description when you talk about guns later in the sentence, it's a bit confusing. Some of the action scenes towards the end are also a bit confusion, but I do like the action.
Dialogue is good, over the top, comical, I like it. It's very 60's drama. Anyway, hope you have fun with this!
Bread
19Burnt BreadJust finished reading it, the beginning seems interesting though I'll refrain from further comment until I've read more. The only thing I have a problem with is the phrasing of some parts, they just seem strange. For example, "Arlen shot awake", probably isn't the best description when you talk about guns later in the sentence, it's a bit confusing. Some of the action scenes towards the end are also a bit confusion, but I do like the action.
Dialogue is good, over the top, comical, I like it. It's very 60's drama. Anyway, hope you have fun with this!
Bread