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for I Am A Flyer

3/17/2009 c31 4Badger250
Great chapter! It's good to explain a bit about the world and its history. The fact that the flyers were made to do something so hideous adds a lot to the plot. New conflicts! Yay!
2/24/2009 c30 SeaSmoke
This is a very engaging story...I often read Fictionpress stories but rarely do I make it past the first chapter or two. With yours...something grabbed me right off the hop and I actually read it all in one sitting for a couple hours!

I struggle to put words to what makes the story successful; I think it's just your writing style that makes the story progress so well and makes you want to read the next chapter.

The only advice I can give is to flesh out some of the supporting cast a bit. We're beginning to see a bit more of Raven as the story progresses here, but it might not be a bad idea to provide a bit more to some of the others, though I can't really specify which. Jett is really the only character to whom the reader has some sort of an attachment, as he's really the only one we know anything about.

Beyond that I can't offer much in the way of constructive criticsm, only encouragement. I've really enjoyed this story, so please continue to work on it. You're a gifted writer and I wish you the best of luck with this.
2/17/2009 c30 fusionbeam
amusing chapter was worth the wait
2/15/2009 c30 2Dachande663-ff
Excellent chapter, perfect mixture of fear and humour. I like the way you're slowly bringing in more back story with references to the Covenant and Twelve. Hope to read more soon, carry on updating!
2/14/2009 c30 18AtlantisGirl12
Haha! LOVED the ending! I also enjoyed reading from Raven's POV. Looking forward to the next chapter...I'm so curious as to how this story will progress! :)
2/14/2009 c30 His little Vampire
Ah. Another lovely chapter I've been waiting for. Once again. It's really good! Raven is so funny. You have a lovely way of writing for him. Keep up the amazing work! -Lain
2/13/2009 c9 Junbei Tajimei
Lol I'll steadly make my way towards chapter 29...

Anyways, So far I'm enjoying this story and i feel kind of bad for Gray, way to go picking such a stubborn boy! LOL

Also O_o
2/11/2009 c29 3Aiedial
well that was impressive!

...is there more comming? :)
2/8/2009 c6 Junbei Tajimei
mh I have to say, I've taking a liking to this story very much. The entire concept is very different and interesting plus how well you have written this!

My only regret is... why didn't I see this story sooner?

Nonetheless I will keep reading but I have to sleep for now... oh noess
2/4/2009 c29 His little Vampire
Oh my gosh. I love this story. It's on my favorites and I'll keep checking for updates! Hope to see some new stuff soon! ^_~ -Lain
2/3/2009 c29 raineyday
I'm from the Roadhouse, and since you asked that we look over your battle scene, that's what I did. I haven't read the rest of the story, but I am intrigued and if I have time, I may go back and start from the beginning. ^_^

Anyway! I think your spot on in this chapter. Actions scenes like this are so difficult to write without making them sound like a sports play-by-play, but this never felt like that. You have a wonderful mix of action, detail, and emotion on Jett's part. I think that balance of action and emotion is what makes this scene work so well. That and your dialogue! Most people wouldn't think dialogue has a big place in a battle scene, but it really works in this one.

"“Hmm,” Scares muttered. “There's less this time.”

Huh? Jett was so startled, he jerked around to stare at the man. “Wh- what?” Less? This was less?"

I loved that exchange! I could see it perfectly.

But yeah, I think you've definitely got a very effective, well-written chapter here. It definitely grabbed and kept my attention. Great writing! ^_^
2/1/2009 c29 2Dachande663-ff
For your first time describing a battle you did a brilliant job mixing large scale overviews with the narrow focus of Jett's own battles. Great chapter, can't wait for more!
1/14/2009 c28 fusionbeam
expected it to be longer considering how long it took to update but decent story wise
1/12/2009 c28 18AtlantisGirl12
Ah...the plot thickens even more... :)
1/2/2009 c3 3Aiedial
noes... D:
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