Just In
for The Cafeteria Swing

12/8/2008 c1 20bloodyshadow1
I love this piece, its very funny. the only thing that i would comment on is the fact that it looks a bit cramped, but that could just be the site so you may wish to change it to benefit those who love your writing.
3/1/2008 c1 893834723923
This was so amusing! I would've laughed out loud except my friend is sleeping. I've actually never danced or sung in public, and definitely not out of spontaneity but I still really enjoyed this. It reminds me of all the crazy things I did in school, and all the random jokes.
12/24/2007 c1 102Aomera
Your work is always so interesting to read - you capture something really unique (in a good way!) in your style. You manage to write as so many people and yet still come out with true emotions. I like the odd sentence in this piece that holds the dance moves e.g. 'tap, tap, tap, slide' , really keeps it moving. I prefer your general use of language in some of your other pieces but this is still really good! keep goin Ax
12/20/2007 c1 3Toxin89
lol That was funny. I always figured that if someone broke out into dance near me that I would just stare (rather than join in like so many musicals). Well I got the point, but I couldn't quite relate because I've never seen the dance, but since it's a oneshot so it doesn't matter. One line was messed up though

-the floor picked her up and moved her, through her-

you can use "moved her" or "moved through her" but not both, unless she's moving through herself lol.
12/13/2007 c1 1George O' Bradbury
I really loved this! It reminds us that sometimes, we have to ignore the "eyes" and just do that which carries us into our own personal "nirvana", our own "deliverance" from life's burdens! Great job!
12/4/2007 c1 34Smoky Bear
lol, the description is vivid, i can picture the character going for it completely oblivious to her surroundings. well depicted.
11/29/2007 c1 1Hanyou Yogonem
This is great, and I didn't expect anything less from you, you write so well!

Update soon!
11/28/2007 c1 54Artemis Anderson
Haha nice d:P

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