Just In
Community
Forum
V
More
for A Fangirl's Woe

1/17/2009 c1 2dragonflydreamer
Haha, I love it. Very creative idea, and very relatable for a lot of readers.

[Poured out from an artist’s pen] I like this line. Very interesting description.

[For men who cannot be] I also liked that you didn't rhyme this because it set it apart from the rest of the poem.

My only suggestion would be to take a look at the rhythm. It felt a little chunky as I was reading it, as if each line was a few syllables off from fitting. Maybe read this through with that in mind?

~Brought to you by the Review Marathon (link in profile)
7/7/2008 c1 243Manuel Fajar
When dreaming of perfection I could feel

Her swinging hula-hips upon a beach

As we delighted with our rum&coke

Beneath bright moon overflowing with full

Warm waves lapped up and swept smoothly white sands

Whispering words of caution from Venus,—

'Remember tonight's magic fades in morn,—

It cannot last, or else t'would turn to scorn.'
3/21/2008 c1 012323232
haha i'm sure a lot of people could relate to this

but it could mean anything if the title didn't mention the inspiration
1/6/2008 c1 she smolders
I've often felt this way too and the fandoms you refer to portray men I'd like to know. Take care.
12/25/2007 c1 65Nemonus
WOE IS US! Argh...*grumblegrumble* Anyway, I understand the emotion in this. It's a simple poem, or perhaps I should say "raw". Good rhythm etc. I have written about this subject, and tried to find out exactly what creates it... Interesting stuff. Good poem.

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service