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10/5/2010 c1 10Katerzzz
Interesting subject I must say...there's a lot of "What Ifs" surrounding WW2 and I think the biggest one is What If Germany HAD Won The War?

Strong characters which is always good.

Looking forward to seeing where this is going!

~Review payback!
9/19/2010 c1 RandomStranger
I didn't really enjoy reading this.

I think that it lacked any feeling, and you were instead just relaying information.

I've studied WWII, I know who the people are, I know the different places, you don't need to spell out everything for your readers. We're not stupid.

Also, I found the use of brackets a very unimaginative and childish way of providing the audience with further knowledge about the story. You should instead work it into the story.

You don't need to provide all the information at the start. It makes it boring. If I wanted massive loads of information, I could go read wikipedia.

"Fascist Italy" - You don't need the adjective. It sounds ridiculous.

"the not so sleeping giant" - That line sounds awkward and needs to be read a few times to actually be understood. It also relies on knowledge of the reference, which some people may not have.

I have noticed you throw in random words such as 'emboldened' which no one would use in regular conversation. If you're trying to make yourself sound smart by using them, don't. It's having the opposite effect.

"Hello, Agent Eric Larson" - That just sounds unrealistic and awkward. No one uses title, first and last names when addressing a person like that.

This Laura character doesn't seem her age. Her thoughts are one of an excited teenager who has barely experienced anything in her life. As Laura's life has been quite difference, you should probably change her thoughts accordingly.
9/18/2010 c1 4Frayling0
I like this. She seems like a strong character, going forward, and there's plenty of places for her to go. Great introduction to your story.
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4/30/2010 c1 8Kobra Kid
Clearly, you put a lot of effort & creativity, so kudos for that! I like how you wrote, everything flows well & nothing gets confusing. But Laura, she isn't acting like a 23 yr old who went through a lot. Maybe tweak her inner thoughts a little bit, or maybe it's just me. Anyways, good job!

-B. Cross
5/27/2008 c2 Sir Thames
Good story, mate. Spot on.
5/13/2008 c2 redzorin
Nice freakin story.
12/13/2007 c1 Sir Thames
Looks good. Spot on.
12/1/2007 c1 redzorin
Laura sounds like a tough broad.

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