for Help!9/25/2013 c6 Cordially Me
This is good but I dot know any guys let alone thugs who would say stuff like that or apologize over small fight that had been easily handled.
This is good but I dot know any guys let alone thugs who would say stuff like that or apologize over small fight that had been easily handled.
9/12/2009 c13 forest oshea
i'm normal! freakin normal. i thought i was the only one who gets sick when i dont eat. love the story. you write like a profesional.(did i spell that right)keep on writin
i'm normal! freakin normal. i thought i was the only one who gets sick when i dont eat. love the story. you write like a profesional.(did i spell that right)keep on writin
8/2/2008 c13 killer chipmunk
I feel sick when I don't soon enough, but I haven't let
you get so bad that I get sick so I don't know if I would
or not. Anyways, still pretty funny, Addie
I feel sick when I don't soon enough, but I haven't let
you get so bad that I get sick so I don't know if I would
or not. Anyways, still pretty funny, Addie
8/2/2008 c2 killer chipmunk
Wouldn't they ask you for your parents signatures
if you did enroll in a new school? Oh and yes
I do like your story so far. Keep on keeping
on. Killer Chipmunk
Wouldn't they ask you for your parents signatures
if you did enroll in a new school? Oh and yes
I do like your story so far. Keep on keeping
on. Killer Chipmunk
7/27/2008 c7 NymphQueen17
The only thing I hate morethan being a billboard is being like most other people. My firends and I like being different.
The only thing I hate morethan being a billboard is being like most other people. My firends and I like being different.
7/21/2008 c26 
20Twilight Starr
The dream and phone conversation have to be scary for her. The Mr. Phone Friend name is funny. It's hilarious that he was actually polite. Nice cliffhanger. Keep writing!
~Twilight Starr~
20Twilight StarrThe dream and phone conversation have to be scary for her. The Mr. Phone Friend name is funny. It's hilarious that he was actually polite. Nice cliffhanger. Keep writing!
~Twilight Starr~
7/21/2008 c25 Twilight Starr
I liked the flashback. It was nice to hear about Tristan's history. Nice work.
~Twilight Starr~
I liked the flashback. It was nice to hear about Tristan's history. Nice work.
~Twilight Starr~
7/21/2008 c24 Twilight Starr
The bantering between them was cute. ^^ Nice work. It's great to see an update.
~Twilight Starr~
The bantering between them was cute. ^^ Nice work. It's great to see an update.
~Twilight Starr~
7/14/2008 c1 Pink1Kitty1Cat
This sounds really interesting! Oh, by the way, I'm new around here. Nice prologue.
This sounds really interesting! Oh, by the way, I'm new around here. Nice prologue.
7/13/2008 c20 forthejokes
It's me, and for some reason the signy inny thing isn't working. Good chapter, I will continue reading, but just one thing. Why isn't this chapter dedicated to corners?
It's me, and for some reason the signy inny thing isn't working. Good chapter, I will continue reading, but just one thing. Why isn't this chapter dedicated to corners?
6/14/2008 c19 donxcat
How far behind I have gotten in reading and reviewing! Most of this is really good... The portion about the newsbroadcast is in the same style as your narrative. Most newscasts have distinctive crisp style of "talking" more like they are addressing a group than just conversing...not sure how to do this but it is the only thing that seemed a little unreal.
3 chapters in one day!
How far behind I have gotten in reading and reviewing! Most of this is really good... The portion about the newsbroadcast is in the same style as your narrative. Most newscasts have distinctive crisp style of "talking" more like they are addressing a group than just conversing...not sure how to do this but it is the only thing that seemed a little unreal.
3 chapters in one day!
4/12/2008 c15 12whatmakesyouthinkthat
Great chapters Ali,
just one thing. In chap. 15 when they are arguing about who is being testy and all that, since the dialogue goes on for a while it's kind of hard to figure out who is saying what anymore... you know? like:
the girl grabbed the fork and glared at the boy.
"it's my fork!"
"No it's mine!"
"No MINE!"
"MINE"
"it is my fork and you know it!"
"I know no such thing that fork is fine!"
"My fork"
"My fork"
"Mine"
"No the fork is definately mine!"
"NO the fork belongs to me!"
"the fork does not belong to you, It was my mothers, and she gave it to me!"
"Why would your mother give YOU The Fork?"
"Because I'm awesome"
"No you aren't"
"yes I am!"
"No you arent"
"yes I am!"
who is who?
sorry if that's not a good example, but you get my point right?
ok anyway, but it's good keep up the good work.
12whatmakesyouthinkthatGreat chapters Ali,
just one thing. In chap. 15 when they are arguing about who is being testy and all that, since the dialogue goes on for a while it's kind of hard to figure out who is saying what anymore... you know? like:
the girl grabbed the fork and glared at the boy.
"it's my fork!"
"No it's mine!"
"No MINE!"
"MINE"
"it is my fork and you know it!"
"I know no such thing that fork is fine!"
"My fork"
"My fork"
"Mine"
"No the fork is definately mine!"
"NO the fork belongs to me!"
"the fork does not belong to you, It was my mothers, and she gave it to me!"
"Why would your mother give YOU The Fork?"
"Because I'm awesome"
"No you aren't"
"yes I am!"
"No you arent"
"yes I am!"
who is who?
sorry if that's not a good example, but you get my point right?
ok anyway, but it's good keep up the good work.
3/29/2008 c13 whatmakesyouthinkthat
Ok sorry, one thing I forgot to say.
“I get sick when I don’t eat for a while. That’s why I’ve never been anorexic or anything before. I can’t go for more than twenty hours not eating."
right here, when Shay says this, it almost makes it sound like she would have gone anorexic if it weren't for the barfing thing. Which I don't think she would have... not that I'm the expert, but it just seemed phrased a little strangely.
Ok sorry, one thing I forgot to say.
“I get sick when I don’t eat for a while. That’s why I’ve never been anorexic or anything before. I can’t go for more than twenty hours not eating."
right here, when Shay says this, it almost makes it sound like she would have gone anorexic if it weren't for the barfing thing. Which I don't think she would have... not that I'm the expert, but it just seemed phrased a little strangely.