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12/29/2007 c2 JaveHarron
I did like the boot camp type approach to using the arcane tech and thaumechanical devices here. I didn't notice many errors, but I did catch this one: "...I see three recruit(s) who have actually paid attention for the entire lecture so far.” That s is missing. But other than that, it's fine. I guess we know the answer to the question "If Heinlein wrote steampunk."
12/22/2007 c2 dreamshell
On the contrary, this chapter is very good! Aside from some typos (which can be fixed with thorough re-reading/editing as opposed to SpellCheck), this went over smoothly. The training sequence is actually interesting, which I rarely ever find it to be, and Michael's gradual acclimation into everything is believable. And if I'm not mistaken, might you have left an opening for a friendship in the future with Glovyrson?

I do like how Michael isn't great everything-far from it, he seems to be struggling with somatic thaumaturgy (despite his initial interest) and his social skills need some work. Then there's the physical obstacles, of course.

As far as infodumping, I think a lot of it is necessary to start off with because otherwise, like you said, there'd be some confusion. Anyways, you manage to do it in such a way that, to reiterate, I'm far from bored.

Honestly, it's very uplifting to see a fantasy story of this caliber. I will most certainly read more.

-dreamshell-
12/7/2007 c1 dreamshell
So far this looks like it's got potential. I'm friends with the previous poster (Jave Harron) and passed this along to him to look at. We're both pretty picky about what we read, so it's safe to assume you've gotten our interest. Though little to none of my stuff reflects my interests in tech or science and the like, you should check out some of Jave's stuff, as I think you'd probably enjoy it.

-dreamshell-
12/7/2007 c1 622Jave Harron
Ah. A steampunk story that shows some promise. While thaumechanics and arcane tech are always interesting, the age of the protagonist is something I am suspicious of. Hopefully, this will not be this will not be a teenager saves the world type story. The military life aspect seems fairly civil compared to certain drill sarges... But the protagonist thankfully does not seem to be overpowered and skilled at everything. Having a character that requires training and skill rather than Gary Stu type abilities is quite refreshing. Warriors are made through drilling, after all, not born.
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