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for these four walls

8/17/2008 c1 103Jesse the Storyteller
I liked your other poems better. This one made no sense, haha. The first four lines and the second four lines portray graphic images of an emotion, but I don't see how they tie in with the last line - which is brilliantly worded, but seems like it doesn't belong there. I don't know. Great imagery and emotion, even if it is not easy to understand. Sometimes emotions just aren't


Attack of the review marathon! (link in profile)
5/21/2008 c1 47i was a postcard
god it's been so long! you're still deliciously angstful. love the repetition of messiah, certainly effective.
2/12/2008 c1 69this is britt
brilliant. just that.
12/9/2007 c1 612simpleplan13
interesting metaphors... I like it a lot
12/9/2007 c1 67Lost In Context
Amazing. My favorite phrase is, "i am a train/ trembling with coal in my veins", but the repitition of "messiah" is also intriguing as well. The overall idea is very well executed, and so beautifully poetic.
12/9/2007 c1 11Noellen
Holy cow! By far the coolest idea and poem.
12/8/2007 c1 34poet tree
What a wonderful mental image. My only critique is maybe a period after "hands over my mouth" to switch from one metaphor to the next. But then again, it's beautiful without it. Your choice. +fave

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