for Porridge5/23/2008 c1 
102Michael Gettings
Not really a true review (I liked it) but more of an anecdote.
When I was in the sixth grade, I misspelled “Library”. That’s an embarrassing word to misspell. It’s not “Libary,” like I spelled it.
Harumph.
102Michael GettingsNot really a true review (I liked it) but more of an anecdote.
When I was in the sixth grade, I misspelled “Library”. That’s an embarrassing word to misspell. It’s not “Libary,” like I spelled it.
Harumph.
5/1/2008 c1 63Midnight Adrenaline
I love the last line. In the first sentence you made a mistake.
"The spotlight glowered from above, and sweat sieved through the upright hairs on the back of her Gina Kytes’ neck, droplets clinging to the stray black hairs that protruded from the tightly woven French braid."
It should be
"...back of Gina Kytes’...".
Anyway, the last line is a good last line.
63Midnight AdrenalineI love the last line. In the first sentence you made a mistake.
"The spotlight glowered from above, and sweat sieved through the upright hairs on the back of her Gina Kytes’ neck, droplets clinging to the stray black hairs that protruded from the tightly woven French braid."
It should be
"...back of Gina Kytes’...".
Anyway, the last line is a good last line.
4/20/2008 c1 15Zonne
Aw, that is so sweet.
I like when she bursts out the porridge sentence. She seems darling. I can definitely feel her anxiety.
Good job portraying all that nervousness and emotion.
I think the beginning could be toned down a bit. Seemed so intense and some of the language was distracting from the story.
good job
keep on writing
Zonne
The review marathon (link in my profile)
15ZonneAw, that is so sweet.
I like when she bursts out the porridge sentence. She seems darling. I can definitely feel her anxiety.
Good job portraying all that nervousness and emotion.
I think the beginning could be toned down a bit. Seemed so intense and some of the language was distracting from the story.
good job
keep on writing
Zonne
The review marathon (link in my profile)
3/7/2008 c1 20Twilight Starr
Nice story. Spelling bees are scary for me. I can't spell out loud. I use sign language because when I spell out loud I say a different letter than I was thinking of.
~Twilight Starr~
20Twilight StarrNice story. Spelling bees are scary for me. I can't spell out loud. I use sign language because when I spell out loud I say a different letter than I was thinking of.
~Twilight Starr~
12/18/2007 c1 brookeblue
Aw, cute. I really enjoyed how you described things and captured the feeling of stage-fright in words. Great job!
Aw, cute. I really enjoyed how you described things and captured the feeling of stage-fright in words. Great job!
12/16/2007 c1 7Translucently Opaque
Aw. How sad. That happened to me once, but I was ten and the word was ‘caribou.’ I still came in second place, but it was quite depressing at the time. Anyway, this was very well written. The way you portrayed the character, the setting, and the situation was fantastic. I love it how she's like "and the Three…Little Pigs." Hmm. Not quite. ;) The only grammatical error that I could see was:
"...like her father’s hands prevented her from seeing her present at her last birthday." I believe there should be a 'had' in between the words ‘hands’ and ‘prevented.’ The way you have it now abruptly forces it from present to past without warning. The readers won't know that you've switched tense until you say 'last birthday'. Adding 'had' would take care of that.
That was all that I could find. Great job once again!
7Translucently OpaqueAw. How sad. That happened to me once, but I was ten and the word was ‘caribou.’ I still came in second place, but it was quite depressing at the time. Anyway, this was very well written. The way you portrayed the character, the setting, and the situation was fantastic. I love it how she's like "and the Three…Little Pigs." Hmm. Not quite. ;) The only grammatical error that I could see was:
"...like her father’s hands prevented her from seeing her present at her last birthday." I believe there should be a 'had' in between the words ‘hands’ and ‘prevented.’ The way you have it now abruptly forces it from present to past without warning. The readers won't know that you've switched tense until you say 'last birthday'. Adding 'had' would take care of that.
That was all that I could find. Great job once again!