
1/13/2008 c1
1CrayonMentality
I really like this, it's really -pretty- which is great and it still makes sense which is even better.
Also it's cool how you describe the music. :)

I really like this, it's really -pretty- which is great and it still makes sense which is even better.
Also it's cool how you describe the music. :)
1/8/2008 c1
15Greenery
Your dialogue is really genuine. Believable and true. I could totally understand your characters thoughts and emotions. This is amazing well written. Flowing, clean, and poetic at times.

Your dialogue is really genuine. Believable and true. I could totally understand your characters thoughts and emotions. This is amazing well written. Flowing, clean, and poetic at times.
12/20/2007 c1
2Seigetsu Ren
Nice story. I like how you have a good mix of descriptions and dialogue. Your writing is beautiful; flowery but not too hard to follow. The only thing I've noticed is that you switched from present tense to past after the divider. Does that mean the later part of this chapter is a memory and not the present? If that's so, perhaps writing something like 'flashback' would make it a bit clearer. That bit somewhat confused me. Besides that, it is a nice story! Keep up the good work!

Nice story. I like how you have a good mix of descriptions and dialogue. Your writing is beautiful; flowery but not too hard to follow. The only thing I've noticed is that you switched from present tense to past after the divider. Does that mean the later part of this chapter is a memory and not the present? If that's so, perhaps writing something like 'flashback' would make it a bit clearer. That bit somewhat confused me. Besides that, it is a nice story! Keep up the good work!
12/19/2007 c1
4Imalefty
wow, great description of music... i wish i could play piano like that! :)
the list of different kinds of music was a little lengthy... perhaps shorten it a little?
"i then shut close my..." - this is a little awkwardly worded to me... choose either shut or close, but you don't need to have both.
"don't think your not coming..." - it should be "you're." it's probably just a typo. (but if not, then be careful with the difference between your and you're.)
"fourth's and sixth's" - you don't need the apostrohphes.
haha, what a cliffhanger! i wonder who he is and what he is doing in aria's apartment! you've done a good job in this first chapter by setting up your character... i have confidence that you'll advance the plot a bit in the next chapter...?
good job so far! keep writing!
-Lefty
ps: for more reviews, go to "The Review Game" forum! there's a link on my profile page. :)

wow, great description of music... i wish i could play piano like that! :)
the list of different kinds of music was a little lengthy... perhaps shorten it a little?
"i then shut close my..." - this is a little awkwardly worded to me... choose either shut or close, but you don't need to have both.
"don't think your not coming..." - it should be "you're." it's probably just a typo. (but if not, then be careful with the difference between your and you're.)
"fourth's and sixth's" - you don't need the apostrohphes.
haha, what a cliffhanger! i wonder who he is and what he is doing in aria's apartment! you've done a good job in this first chapter by setting up your character... i have confidence that you'll advance the plot a bit in the next chapter...?
good job so far! keep writing!
-Lefty
ps: for more reviews, go to "The Review Game" forum! there's a link on my profile page. :)