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1/29/2017 c26 aynaarah
..I'm another wanderer here.. it's a curious adventure.. a little more philosophical that the first part.. and these glimmers of enlightenment are doing something nice to your story.. ..now things are moving towards a certain path..

..I find that Trey loving the ghost image of his ex-girlfriend he finds in the android is.. a little hard, a little forced.. because unlike Demetri the android is an old monster, a protector, no equal maybe.. ..and I don't know about the allure of teaching the machine feelings.. ..the android is wise, old, even beautiful and may even develop a conscience.. but unless she develops organic matter as well..

..have you noticed.. some characters here suffer from complete immunity.. I don't think that suffering from insecurity and constantly debating the issue of choice & fate counts..

..the crew is a little passive.. the enemy is a little tame and polite.. Trey is unconditional a bleeding heart - this is as far from innocence and kindness as I don't know but it is very far and very toxic and misguided, the mother of falsehood.. the identity of someone good equals a skill to discern, to perceive, to choose, to refrain, to deny, to balance ..

..if the symbiote is an agent for balance then.. why is he constantly evolving in a completely unbalanced environment.. ..this supposed "friendly" entity is prone to acts of madness.. this presumed eye of knowledge tends more towards the eye of the beast.. there are instances you even outline monstrous or intimidating aspects.. ironically he is only helpful when he is quiet..

..your story is a little puzzling..
11/17/2011 c26 CnConrad
Great book. I had a few minor issues which I noted but overall it was a terrific story. I am looking forward to the sequel.
11/16/2011 c24 CnConrad
Usually I won't review a single paragraph. But that has to be with out a doubt one of the best and most painfully thorough rejection ever written.

"I am sorry, but I have no feelings at all, let alone any feelings to return to you. If it is a deeper emotional connection you are looking for, you will not find it within me. If you are seeking a physical one, I am again unable to help you. I am a machine, and was not designed with the reproductive devices to satisfy you.
11/16/2011 c23 CnConrad
And a new bad guy enters the mix.

The pacing of this book is great. The fights are solid, the characters have all went through atleast some development, 3 separate points of bee are blended together and there is little to no dead space used for filler.

Very impressive.
11/16/2011 c20 CnConrad
Great chapter. The whole show mercy and let's all be friends thing kind of backfired.

It's like the fable of the fox and the scorpion.
11/15/2011 c18 CnConrad
Wow just great.

I couldn't suggest any changes to that chapter everything was woven together too well.
11/15/2011 c17 CnConrad
Very good chapter. You have me very torn on the whole Solari empire aspect.

One one hand. Rescuing the Da-Ku soldier seems hopelessly naive and a dumb decision.

"Are you kidding me? We're heading to neutral territory and staying there. We've served enough time sacrificing ourselves for the Da-Ku; we all wish for normal lives now, that's all. That's why our captain is thanking you. You've given him back his own life."

This guy was directly responsible for mass genocide. You could compare him to the Kommandant of a German Death camp responsible for murdering thousands of Jews.

On the other hand you show the corruption and torture of a good soldier similar to the Inquisition.

Also, I'm not sure what you meant by Demetri losing "Relatively few" it sounded like he lost hundreds of men. A comment about how his charisma helped him avoid a cort martial for losing an entire starships crew and all the men on the ground.

Still wanted to say you are doing a very good job with the morality conflicts.

Typed on my iPhone incase it's hard to read.
11/15/2011 c15 CnConrad
Another fun chapter.

But, come on just how weak are the Solari troops. It sounds like Trey Ryu ganma kaze and the wolfman each killed more than the entire Solari fleet.

The power levels seem a little off. .

The Crew is trapped and can't escape as you stated. Yet Emna can walk through the whole ship killing everyone and break them out with out breaking a sweat but they still can fight him to a draw.

If I can use a little formula here.

If character x can hurt character y and character y destroys character z with no effort character x should not fear character z.

Perhaps come up with a power formula to keep the inconsistencies to a minimum. Pm me if you want any explanation to what I mean.
11/14/2011 c14 CnConrad
Another solid chapter.

Some of the worst happens due to the best of intentions. Hopefully there is some fallout for Demetri and he understands that he is spending hundreds of his men's lives to save a few strangers and how he must find a balance between his idealism and the greater good.
11/14/2011 c13 CnConrad
This book is moving along nicely. It's a little rougher than the first but you are tying in so much more and fleshing out many details.

I really like what you have done with the solari empire.
11/10/2011 c11 CnConrad
The two bountyhunters were much better in this book. Glad to see them put up a good fight.

Ganma seemed a little op in this chapter and I wasn't a big fan of the whole rescue mission with out causing a single casualty, when fighting for your life you don't put the lives of your enemies ahead of your own. And, if they really had that easy of a time with these people how did they get caught in the first place?

Still this is a good chapter and great story!
11/9/2011 c5 CnConrad
Excellent fight sequence but, the good guys seem to go on and fight despite all the damage they receive.

It seems like they can't die. Even though they are so outclassed.

Still it's an excellent fight.
11/8/2011 c1 CnConrad
Great start. Only problem I see is the changing of names. After finishing an entire story to now have some of the names change is hard to follow.

Glad you are bringing a little darkness to the "good" guys. It's a personal preference but I am not a big fan of a 100% good guy side. It just seems a little unrealistic.
9/20/2011 c26 6Van Quatra
holy hell this was the greatest story i have ever read. pure excitment and action all around, i can't wait for delta to come on. great job and keep it up.
9/9/2010 c26 Ghost
I hope the hell not!

Been a bit since you have wrote. But it has been good so far for you to just stop it like that would be a great shame. Hope to see more of this story and have lots of action.
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