for james nathan, i have something to say5/10/2009 c9 
31ByYourSide
I probably told you before on this story, but I have a thing for the writing style in Jamies Nathan. In a good way. Very different. Dunno if you did it on purpose, the way certain things don't work grammatically:
“no fucking way, bye, I’m running away, I have..."
The "N" on the "no" should be capitalized. And after the "bye," a comma makes it a run-on sentence, a comma splice. There should be a period or a semi-colon. But maybe you did it on purpose.
I also like the second-person, how she's talking to him. That's the biggest thing for me, and the bite-sized chapters. ^.^
I wonder if he has a power issue. It seems like they both have control issues. He dragged her to the bleachers, she swore in his face. What a cute couple. ^.^
31ByYourSideI probably told you before on this story, but I have a thing for the writing style in Jamies Nathan. In a good way. Very different. Dunno if you did it on purpose, the way certain things don't work grammatically:
“no fucking way, bye, I’m running away, I have..."
The "N" on the "no" should be capitalized. And after the "bye," a comma makes it a run-on sentence, a comma splice. There should be a period or a semi-colon. But maybe you did it on purpose.
I also like the second-person, how she's talking to him. That's the biggest thing for me, and the bite-sized chapters. ^.^
I wonder if he has a power issue. It seems like they both have control issues. He dragged her to the bleachers, she swore in his face. What a cute couple. ^.^
5/9/2009 c21 1Trench Coats Suck
Hey
I just read ur story I really liked it are you gonna do a sequal or right more cause it doesn't feel finished
1Trench Coats SuckHey
I just read ur story I really liked it are you gonna do a sequal or right more cause it doesn't feel finished
5/7/2009 c21 6iBrandi
I think the thing I liked most about the story was the set-up, with the little letters addressing each subject in turn. I haven't seen that very much on fictionpress. Also, her relationship with Chase is pretty adorable. =)
One thing I would change is the one-sentence chapters. I can understand why they're necessary for the pacing, and I do like the brevity, but only having one sentence for an entire chapter seems kind of underwhelming.
Anyways, altogether this was a good story, with a unique flair and solid characters. Good job! :D
6iBrandiI think the thing I liked most about the story was the set-up, with the little letters addressing each subject in turn. I haven't seen that very much on fictionpress. Also, her relationship with Chase is pretty adorable. =)
One thing I would change is the one-sentence chapters. I can understand why they're necessary for the pacing, and I do like the brevity, but only having one sentence for an entire chapter seems kind of underwhelming.
Anyways, altogether this was a good story, with a unique flair and solid characters. Good job! :D
3/27/2009 c20 1Kneecap
That was so moving. I can't..."I’m Gracie Hart, but I’m no longer your Gracie Hart, the girl who changed and then collapsed when asked to do it on her own."
There's nothing I can really say, that was just incredible.
1KneecapThat was so moving. I can't..."I’m Gracie Hart, but I’m no longer your Gracie Hart, the girl who changed and then collapsed when asked to do it on her own."
There's nothing I can really say, that was just incredible.
3/27/2009 c19 Kneecap
"I think I’m waiting for the day you don’t turn up at all. I’m waiting for the day you decide to just stop coming to calculus, the day you make good on your promise, the day you take control of your future like I never could." - there's something so beautiful about this story.
"I think I’m waiting for the day you don’t turn up at all. I’m waiting for the day you decide to just stop coming to calculus, the day you make good on your promise, the day you take control of your future like I never could." - there's something so beautiful about this story.
3/27/2009 c18 Kneecap
Realism in this case, is less through what the judge would've done, and more through what Gracie thinks the judge would have done. And you showed that off nicely, so it is realistic :).
"Now, whenever there’s a high school basketball game being played, Chase comes over and sinks basket after basket into the hoop above our garage, and I buy the milkshakes and the curly fries." - that's the saddest line I think I've read so far :(.
Realism in this case, is less through what the judge would've done, and more through what Gracie thinks the judge would have done. And you showed that off nicely, so it is realistic :).
"Now, whenever there’s a high school basketball game being played, Chase comes over and sinks basket after basket into the hoop above our garage, and I buy the milkshakes and the curly fries." - that's the saddest line I think I've read so far :(.
3/27/2009 c17 Kneecap
She showed events through someone else's perspective :D. I do wonder how she knew what they'd done though...
She showed events through someone else's perspective :D. I do wonder how she knew what they'd done though...
3/27/2009 c16 Kneecap
Extremely telling about Gracie. Again, not her finest moment, and this epitomised that.
Extremely telling about Gracie. Again, not her finest moment, and this epitomised that.
3/27/2009 c15 Kneecap
Yeah...not Gracie's or Chase's finest hour. The description of the aftermath was really quite disgusting. Dare I say...nicely done?
The strongest image I get from this is honesty. Sometimes she's biased against James Nathan, but she always seems to recount actual events with clemency.
Yeah...not Gracie's or Chase's finest hour. The description of the aftermath was really quite disgusting. Dare I say...nicely done?
The strongest image I get from this is honesty. Sometimes she's biased against James Nathan, but she always seems to recount actual events with clemency.
3/27/2009 c13 Kneecap
"You don’t need to ask who it was, because you know who it was, because it was you." - I love it when you write powerful one liners like that.
I also really liked the dialogue: it captured the moment, and was realistic in every way. Nicely done :).
"You don’t need to ask who it was, because you know who it was, because it was you." - I love it when you write powerful one liners like that.
I also really liked the dialogue: it captured the moment, and was realistic in every way. Nicely done :).
3/27/2009 c12 Kneecap
I'm glad things are finally starting to get explained. I loved the last line, and how you could tell just how Gracie was feeling, and that she doesn't try to paint herself in a flattering light, she's just honest. Ehh, I can't think of anything better to say o_O.
I'm glad things are finally starting to get explained. I loved the last line, and how you could tell just how Gracie was feeling, and that she doesn't try to paint herself in a flattering light, she's just honest. Ehh, I can't think of anything better to say o_O.