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7/25/2013 c1 24Mad for Figs
This is really adorable :) As you said, I like how it's cute but doesn't revolve around romance and stuff. I do wish there was more description between the dialogue. There were times when I got a littttle bit lost about who was talking and what not. But overall, I did enjoy this :)
1/29/2009 c1 9TuneOut
I like the plot and storyline. I totally understand the thoughts that she had on compliments because I feel the same way. You never know if people are really saying it because they mean it or to be polite.

I would fix the formatting too. The single spaced lines make it more difficult to read and makes my eyes blur together.

I thought that this as a whole was very well written. The dialogue felt very natural and real and I thought the characters had perfect friend chemistry. You developed them well.
1/24/2009 c1 holly is fainting
Very sweet story. And since you did ask for it...here comes my concrit. :P

Your paragraph breaks need to be consistent. Some are double breaks and some are single. Also, there are a few spelling/grammar errors but they aren't too bad. Just remember this: "You need a comma here" I said. What I meant was: "You need a comma here," I said. See? I give very abstract concrit apparently.

Oh, and try interspersing your dialogue with more action. There's a huge section of only dialogue, and it's really good dialogue. Sharp and funny (I cracked up at the line "that it made my breasts look empowering") but it's actually easier to read if you describe what else is going on. Don't go crazy with it, just use it as punctuation. A raised eyebrow or a grin or a hand on a cheek, something little that emphasizes whatever the character just said.

Anyway, I wanted to be an English teacher in another lifetime, so hopefully I didn't go on for too long. lol. :) It's SO SO good that you encourage criticism and that you're willing to use it to grow as a writer. No one starts off perfectly. Writing is just like any other physical activity, you've got to practice to get good. So kudos to you.
8/2/2008 c1 24fairies and snapple
This is so sweet! The spacing is a bit weird, but that could just be my computer. Anyway, I love that someone is finally confident with how they look, and understands that someone telling you you're pretty doesn't mean that the whole world has to stop because they really and truly love you.
6/9/2008 c1 17Luny Loona
It doesn't matter whether it's speech or whatever, you either continue writing in that paragraph of you go onto a new one. That is, you either press enter twice or don't press it at all.

If you used indentations in the original document, you'll have to fix that.

...'“You truly are beautiful, Bridy” Jake said, rather seriously.'...speech always ends with some kind of punctuation. In this case, it should be a comma.

...'Whenever you meet someone for the first time, they always say “You’re a beautiful girl.”'...similarly, if there're words before speech, there's a punctuation between them, too. There should be a comma after 'say'.

...'Or they’ll replace gorgeous with, pretty or ‘hawt’.'...there shouldn't be a comma before 'pretty'.

...'For all I know, Jake is just complimenting me, it’s not actually true.'...Independent clauses can't just be joined with a comma. You can either choose to put a conjunction in, use a dash or use a semicolon.

Most of this is written in a rather informal tone. Although that is fine with this type of writing, it'd be better to tone down on the 'Meh' and other sounds.

You shouldn't go for long slabs of speech without periodically indicating the speaker. It's easy to lose track.

But I like the idea behind the story. There're just a few technical things in there.

Have a nice day.
5/11/2008 c1 18found.eventually
I like the fact that the one-shot had one main issue(slash topic), and the story pretty much revolved around it. It was adorable at some parts, hilarious at others (I honestly, HONESTLY never knew breasts could be... what was it again, empowering?)

But you wanted some concrit, right? :)

Well. One, the format. I don't know if it's on purpose or fictionpress screwed your format, but it's rather confusing, and the space between certain lines didn't make any sense. Not to me, at least. So some people might get annoyed with that.

Ooh, and your one-shot was in present tense, yes? Your first line, when Jake complimented her? Yeah. That was past tense, love. You might wanna edit that.

But otherwise it was pretty good love!
3/20/2008 c1 8Written
Even before you said 'Git', I was like "say 'git', say 'git'!"

Is that Harry Potter's influence on us? hehehe.

“Compliments are used to make people think highly of you. Make you seem kind.”

Maybe I'm a self conscious crazy person, but I never ever can flat out believe compliments! everyone tells me I'm paranoid, but I can really relate to this narrator here.

(I start fidgeting awkwardly. I don’t know why I feel uncomfortable. Maybe because it is the first time I have been complimented for real and know it is real- and by my neighbor at that. My male neighbor. Hurrah.)

hahaha. I can totally relate to this too. I overheard (oops, eavesdropping) a flattering comment from a cute boy once and it pretty much made my day!

I like the name Bridy :D I think I read it in a really bad (published) historical fiction, but it didn't decrease my admiration for the name. And now it was used in a good story! So yay!

I like the simplicity this story had... I think it really works for this story. That and I really could relate. I know you asked for CC, but I can't seem to notice anything to point out...

Hang on, let me reread...

Um... yeah, nothing.

Your formatting is a little... odd? did you have a reason for some of the parts sticking together and some of them not? I'm just guessing it divides the story up into parts.

Okay, that was fun :D I think you have a talent for this writing thing! You should suggest what I should read from you next.
2/26/2008 c1 9faerie-gumdrops
This is cute! And Jake is lovely. I get all paranoid about compliments like that too, so I can totally relate.

'I mentally groan. I’ve been reading too much Harry Potter' hehe I know how that feels!

'You said it made me look like a tramp and ….that it made my breasts look empowering' I loved the embarrassment here. Jake is really cool.

One tiny bit of CC - sometimes you use a full stop at the end of speech where it should be a comma, for example 'You know I love blueberry muffins.” I sulk.' should probably have a comma (although it could technically be both in this case...bad example). Doesn't happen very often. Also, the formatting is a bit squashed in the middle; she might want to break it up a bit.

This was a cute one shot (it IS a one shot, isn't it? As opposed to a first chapter?). Well done!
1/27/2008 c1 4GrannyP
Interesting concept, and cute characters.

The first thing you should consider doing to this story is fixing the formatting. It's all squished together and some people probably won't even attempt to read it.

I have nothing else to add. Oh, except that the name Bridy is also interesting. I've never heard this before.

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