for Asadian Nights4/18/2009 c4 CoryD
Good chapter, enjoyable story so far. One thing - an editing and readability issue. I don't know if it is just getting lost in the upload, but there are no indicators of scene & perspective changes, which makes the read not flow easily. You need a line or something to indicate the changes in location & characters.
Good chapter, enjoyable story so far. One thing - an editing and readability issue. I don't know if it is just getting lost in the upload, but there are no indicators of scene & perspective changes, which makes the read not flow easily. You need a line or something to indicate the changes in location & characters.
4/10/2009 c4 
8Ajaz
“My father wishes me to marry another but it is you that I want, Prince Kenjara. I feel a connection with you that I haven’t felt with any other. Also, with the brains of my people and the bronze of yours, there will be nothing that we can’t have. You can bring peace to many just by agreeing to wed me.”
I think the word your thinking of is "brawns", not "bronze".
Sorry, I'm being nitpicky today because I'm tired. =X
I do like the idea of this story but the names are a bit confusing - and I am still unsure as to what exactly Kenjara looks like.
8Ajaz“My father wishes me to marry another but it is you that I want, Prince Kenjara. I feel a connection with you that I haven’t felt with any other. Also, with the brains of my people and the bronze of yours, there will be nothing that we can’t have. You can bring peace to many just by agreeing to wed me.”
I think the word your thinking of is "brawns", not "bronze".
Sorry, I'm being nitpicky today because I'm tired. =X
I do like the idea of this story but the names are a bit confusing - and I am still unsure as to what exactly Kenjara looks like.
4/10/2009 c3 Ajaz
In the 12th paragraph from the bottom, I believe you meant "no one will BE hurt", instead of "no one will hurt."
In the 12th paragraph from the bottom, I believe you meant "no one will BE hurt", instead of "no one will hurt."
4/10/2009 c1 Ajaz
I think you might have written "Kenarith" instead of "Kenjara" in this chapter in the 6th paragraph from bottom.
I think you might have written "Kenarith" instead of "Kenjara" in this chapter in the 6th paragraph from bottom.
4/9/2009 c4 kris89
im curious about how the rest of this is going to go. the story is great so far, i just usually wait until the writers have done at least 10 chapters before i start reading. that way there is less of a chance that things will go on hiatus just when things are getting good.
im curious about how the rest of this is going to go. the story is great so far, i just usually wait until the writers have done at least 10 chapters before i start reading. that way there is less of a chance that things will go on hiatus just when things are getting good.
2/20/2009 c3 blackrule
hmm interesting story here. I love other dimensions hehe makes things so much more fun. Can't wait for the next chapter! keep up the good work! :)
hmm interesting story here. I love other dimensions hehe makes things so much more fun. Can't wait for the next chapter! keep up the good work! :)
11/23/2008 c3 1Katherine-the-greate
wow. what a cliffhanger. i like the war thing and the orphans too. I think my favorite part, though, was the door handle. super cool. please update again soon
1Katherine-the-greatewow. what a cliffhanger. i like the war thing and the orphans too. I think my favorite part, though, was the door handle. super cool. please update again soon
11/10/2008 c1 Katherine-the-greate
great work. i really like your intro and the suspense hook. i can't wait to see how and when they find his mate!
great work. i really like your intro and the suspense hook. i can't wait to see how and when they find his mate!