for Traitor1/20/2008 c1 
43lookin4nemo
this is very dark but that is what makes it so amazing!very insipring...for what? i dunno but it still is so cool! keep it up
43lookin4nemothis is very dark but that is what makes it so amazing!very insipring...for what? i dunno but it still is so cool! keep it up
1/12/2008 c1 219Matthew James Current
Hm. I'd say that in this poem the use of rhyme seems a bit forced. That is to say, rhyming is a very difficult thing to pull of seamlessly. I know the "forced" criticism is overplayed and I myself HATED hearing it for a long time.
So my advise to you is experiment with different approaches to your work and ideas. Try, like you have been more recently, haikus and other styles or just go freeform. The more comfortable you are expressing yourself, the more natural the devices you use will sound and feel.
219Matthew James CurrentHm. I'd say that in this poem the use of rhyme seems a bit forced. That is to say, rhyming is a very difficult thing to pull of seamlessly. I know the "forced" criticism is overplayed and I myself HATED hearing it for a long time.
So my advise to you is experiment with different approaches to your work and ideas. Try, like you have been more recently, haikus and other styles or just go freeform. The more comfortable you are expressing yourself, the more natural the devices you use will sound and feel.
1/9/2008 c1 26killer syntax
I can feel the emotions of this poem and found it very dark and mystifying. I am really enjoying reading your poetry!
26killer syntaxI can feel the emotions of this poem and found it very dark and mystifying. I am really enjoying reading your poetry!
1/5/2008 c1 879Moondog Dozier
The pace of this enhances the tone very well. It ushers in the emotion with the recognizable cadence. Very well written. Very audible.
879Moondog DozierThe pace of this enhances the tone very well. It ushers in the emotion with the recognizable cadence. Very well written. Very audible.
1/5/2008 c1 612simpleplan13
I like this... the rhyming is subtle and well done... the descriptions are also beautiful
612simpleplan13I like this... the rhyming is subtle and well done... the descriptions are also beautiful
1/5/2008 c1 76Kaia Zeffirelli
aw... I love it! Your vocabulary is outstanding as always and the rhythm is great. You can make a rhyme appear out of thin air! Once again- love it =]
76Kaia Zeffirelliaw... I love it! Your vocabulary is outstanding as always and the rhythm is great. You can make a rhyme appear out of thin air! Once again- love it =]