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10/31/2008 c5 yellowJellow
Way to stay consistent! No going back and forth between characters' heads, I'm impressed. Seriously though, her whole hostility towards Cross is personal or does she have a thing against guys (romantically) in general? Did something happen in high school that made her this way, that's the impression I get anyways.
10/12/2008 c13 Jay827
awe that was so cute.
10/12/2008 c7 Jay827
omfg i can't believe they did that. holy shit. and what effin' Brian said. asshole.
10/4/2008 c5 10cherrypiesizzle
lol, does she not associate with any girls? Ever? Well I'll have to read the rest of the story.
9/5/2008 c13 rainbabie
AW!
8/26/2008 c12 soaps'nsuds
it ended somewhat funny. you really had something there but you just wrapped the end up in a second. i frown.:(

but i guess i can't blame you. i'm sure you could write something spectacular when you're not lazy. i sure enjoyed this somehow, as it is.:)
8/18/2008 c13 4Daphne.Claire
this was an awesome story, it was absoultely adorable.
8/8/2008 c1 3AJS
I think the problem with this story, although it's rushed, is that we didn't get enough time to familiarize ourselves with the characters. Although some stories can be short and still effective, we didn't really get a chance to actually connect with the characters and identify with them. Everything went by too quickly. The pace of the story from when it started changed by the time it was finished. It felt like there should have been more, but there wasn't. It was weird how Payton was all against him at one moment, and then suddenly for him the next.

Also, Marcus' speech got really annoying and hard to read in the later chapters. He didn't talk like that before but the improper grammar just because he was a football player was kind of overdoing it.

The whole "history" between Jordan & Payton could have been better explained. Like why was Jordan so insistent that Payton was completely out of his league, when he was dating all those other popular girls. They touched upon the subject once, but never really dug deeper into it.

Anyways. I was thinking about it some more and that's what I came up with. Good luck with your other writing! I was looking at your favorite stories and you certainly have a bunch! :)

- Alyssa
8/7/2008 c13 AJS
Cute story, though I wasn't expecting for it to end so quickly. I liked the epilogue. The gossiping bit was funny, and it was nice to see a bit of Payton & Jordan in the future. It's almost weird calling him by his actual name since throughout the entire story, he was mainly just Cross.

One thing I was confused about was in chapter 8, after Payton gets kidnapped, why does she inspect Cross' room like she's seeing it for the first time when she had visited his room once before during the party at the soccer house when he dug out another encrypted note to give her?

I think the ending was a little rushed, and there could have been more added to the story, more actual interaction between the two and them getting together, and them actually together because the leap from the last chapter to the epilogue in their interaction is a big one, but it's still cute nonetheless.

- Alyssa
7/29/2008 c13 chocolatechipash
pretty darn awesome until you got bored of it, but you are a great writer i have to say chapter 14 was.. what wat was it?

but overall great stuff, especially like his last note very sappy haha liked your comment too. thank god myrika mentioned it to you. hope to read more from you in the future.
7/28/2008 c13 wistful-ambtions
aww i love this story but then again i love all your stories!
7/16/2008 c13 1shesabeautyx
Dude, I absolutely adore your stories. I can't even tell you.

I love how you don't drag them out and they're straight to the point without a bunch of unneccessary filler chapters - but well I love my fair share of those stories too, so I can't exactly discriminate.

But I really enjoyed reading this one. Marcus cracked me up, and them kidnapping her was hilarious.

I do think there could've been more build-up, and it wasn't clear exactly WHY Jordan liked Peyton so much, or why she was different really, but other than that it was a great story.

Good job :)
7/14/2008 c13 9andee lee
I think that was one of the best stories I have read on FictionPress. Honestly. It was short and sweet but never lacking important details... It was cute but not too sugary ... the characters were developed right from the beginning and it was funny, too! i mean... DAMN!

anyways, just wanted to say congrats on a wonderful story. :) you're very talented!
7/10/2008 c13 5Cecilyatheart
Very very cute story. Well done. I'd love a Jordan Cross.
7/7/2008 c13 3RayaSlayer
aw...that was so adorable!

I love your idea for the story!

Thank you so much for posting this up :D
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