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3/9/2016 c48 Guest
Making me cry at the end! Damn it was a wonderful read.
7/23/2008 c48 6thx4allthefish
Wow. This story is awesome... one of the ones that deserves over 100 reviews, at least.

I love how you refrained from drawing lines of "good" and "evil", and including the aftermath of the war.

I promise to go back and actually leave a constructive review... might take a little while though.

Great work :)
6/8/2008 c44 4Ignus
Very well done chapter and an extremely creative story. I have to ask, possible sequel? Otherwise keep it up.
5/11/2008 c2 1DigitalScripter
Tredias is pretty cocky. I can see a downfall for him or maybe just a blow to his ego at some point in the story.
5/11/2008 c1 DigitalScripter
I'd like to say first off you did a really good job with the summary. I think that is what caught my eye. Not much to really say on the prologue, it was written well and sets up the story.
4/20/2008 c25 6thx4allthefish
one quick comment with the beasts...

How did the first man (the one that went into fits of terror) get to the last beast if no one had come back alive and all the other beasts were still alive?
3/29/2008 c26 4Ignus
Tredias is my type of person! Provided I'm not the person in front of him of course. I can't wait to see how the story goes now; please update speedily.
3/29/2008 c9 5Mad Asher
Ok, I REALLY like the main plot idea of this so far, especially Tredias asking for information an dthe man refusing, seems realistic. However when Tredias battles their best man, I thought the combat description seemed...well, cardboard-like. "The curved blade was unsheathed and batted harmlessly against Tredias' shield." Ok, my teacher always said using passive language when writing is bad, it doesn't stress the action. I think it should be turned around the other way, like "The man unsheathed the curved blade and batted it harmlessly against Tredias' shield." I think that sounds more interesting. "His spear followed but missed its mark" - what did the spear follow? What was it's mark? His neck, his head?

"The two reset" reset? As in a video game, when you press the 'reset' button? Comon, you mean 'they returned back to their starting position,' don't you?

I liked how Tredias seems to lose in the beginning. Also seemed realistic. Hot-headed Altonian, as usual...tsk tsk. However I like how he charges with his sword at his opponent. Very warrior-like. Anyway I liked how this chapter played out.
2/22/2008 c20 4Falkner
I'm going to guess you have a beta reader because this last chapter had some comments inserted throughout. You may want to look at them and reload the chapter. :) Otherwise the story seems to be going well, though I am slightly surprised Tredias survived the fight without any real injury.
2/4/2008 c17 Falkner
The last two chapters were good. Nothing caught my eye when it comes to typos or anything, and I do really like how Tredias is starting to be more human even if he did kill again for no real reason.
1/25/2008 c15 Falkner
I have enjoyed the story so far. A couple chapters ago I was going to comment that Tredias seemed too arrogant to be realistic, especially when he murdered the kids, but he seems to be mellowing out now and subsequently becoming a more realistic character.
1/24/2008 c1 Falkner
Good beginning, I'd only point out a few grammar problems that made some passages harder to read.

"and as the conversation continued(,) the mind of the youth"

On this one, I think for all speaking passages, you put a comma between the quoted words and words like said or repeated.

"“Twelve, Sir.” He repeated"
1/21/2008 c8 5Mad Asher
somewhat interesting so far, that Tredias is a warrior and so serious in this manner I cannot take in. I thought he used to joke as a mage? Well this just seems a little more bland. Quati seems to be similar to that kid in the original Tredias, but i can't remember his name. Good job describing everything! This almost looks like published material ;D

-Entreri
1/14/2008 c4 Mad Asher
Very, very good plot so far. I have nothing to remark about I thought it was fairly well done and flows so far. I rather liked the previous story of Tredias as a mage-in-learning better, but then this fits somewhat. Tredias as a powerful knight, rather than an awesome mage? It doesn't seem right, but then this is your story.

-Entreri
1/10/2008 c2 Mad Asher
Very nice, as always. I have always said you write well but I don't know why you took down that other story and replaced it with this..well it seems tredias is now a knight not a mage, I look forward to seeing how this goes. Nice job! :)

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