Just In
Community
Forum
V
More
for Time of the Gates

3/16/2010 c7 10Alexander Weaton
It's good to see you posting again after such a long break. And since you asked so nicely in your Author's Note, *pat pat pat* Now, the story...

I enjoyed the chapter, but I felt like the scenes with the jaguar could have been longer. How long was it between her sneaking out and when she could approach the jaguar and not have her attack? How long did Zarin sleep there before trusting her to not sneak out?

As for the mountain, I loved the sequence. It was simple enough to capture the essence of the climb but not bog down the action of it with information, a real problem for some writers (myself included). I also enjoyed her not knowing what the sea was, which I felt helped add to her character a little. She doesn't know what the sea is, so she can't have been that experienced a traveller before the story started.

Anywho, great chapter, and I look forward to the next update. Don't take too long again!
1/6/2009 c6 1The Desert Wind
i am upset to see this one go unfinished if you do get it published i'll be in line at the book store to pick it up. i truthfully enjoyed her shady past add wish i chould have read about it before you stopped posting on this story. found it seemed long in a way but not lenght-wise i felt almost as if it was dragged out not overly but just a little to much for my tastes. would also like to request a return read and reveiw or one or the other.

EagleEye
8/3/2008 c6 1Zoromaru
lol chewing resin.
8/3/2008 c5 Zoromaru
Luring a jaguar to her because she wants to see it. She is very childlike.
7/1/2008 c6 3kb.arrera
No... that can't be all. This is much to good, I need more! But anyhow... it's still great. I can't wait for the next chapter.

Also.. ahem. I would be forever grateful if you would check out my only story The Sparrells and give me your opinions, critiques, you know, the good stuff... that would be wonderful.

I look forward to more of this!
7/1/2008 c2 kb.arrera
I really like this so far. It's really interesting, and I can't wait to see where it goes.

I think I'll read more later... no nevermind. Now.
6/24/2008 c5 5Leah Johnson
I suppose I needn't scream my love of this - I'm sure that gets old after a while. I did really enjoy this, though. Very exciting.

A few critiques. You slip up on punctuation here and there. For instance, using 'its' for 'it is'. Little things like that. And, of course, the comma usage. Again, nothing that affects your syntax too much, but there are a few instances in which I think 'and' instead of a comma might be more appropriate.

But overall, I'm still in love with this. I can't wait to see where it's all going.
6/19/2008 c4 Spideymint
I'm sorry that I can't leave a more meaningful review than this, but...

AH! What a well-written story. MORE, PLEASE?
6/19/2008 c1 tomgirl
Though I must say you started out very well.

I could almost see, and excuse me if I sound insane, but I could almost feel everything the character was.

Keep up the good work.

Though for future reference you might want to consider putting that little line breaker because it'll make the chapter a little bit more neater.

But so far, well done.
6/19/2008 c2 1DigitalScripter
Very. very well written and poetic in a sense. Just be careful not to be over descriptive. You don't do it here really but come close at times. Other then that excellent job.
6/19/2008 c1 DigitalScripter
I liked it. You had a good opening hook and I'll be sure to check out chapter one.
6/19/2008 c4 5Leah Johnson
As always, I loved it! Perfect detail, and Aeri's trip outside was quite fun. I didn't notice any big errors, but I wasn't looking for them. You seem to use commas in times when you really don't need them, but I didn't see anything that was actually incorrect.

By the way, we posted new chapters at about the same time. =D When I went to archive my own story alert from my e-mail, yours was there, too!
6/19/2008 c4 10Alexander Weaton
Very nice, and I loved the forest/jungle description in this chapter. The original version didn't really get into much detail about what the surrounding area was like, and I felt that this chapter made the area feel more like a real place.

Very nice scene with the Jaguar. I applaud you for that. Jaguars are magnificent animals, so graceful yet deadly. Very nice choice.
6/19/2008 c1 1Brian77
Good chapter. Glad I read it. Didn't see too much that needed correcting. It's very interesting and mysterious, like a good introduction should be. From the very first 'thoughts' I got an impression of your character. Aeritha, is it? I'm not sure if I'm going to like her, but you certainly have a complex life set behind her. I like your intro and I will be reading more :)
6/19/2008 c3 5AKlimesh
I like your story a lot!
55 Page 1 2 3 .. Last Next »

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service