Just In
Community
Forum
V
More
for Pandora's Box

10/23/2008 c1 2munchinmonster
I'm not really a fan of supernatural but I thought I'd check out this story and I am glad I did. It was a good chapter. I really enjoyed it even though I found some bit's predictable (her getting raped, her saving herself).

Overal it was nicely done although a few things did confuse me. How do those blades work? You said they were up at her elbows but then they came out of her gauntlets.

What happened to the tiger ox jr?

It has been a while since you actually posted this chapter and I hope you haven't ditched the idea and are still writing this. I definetly look forward to reading more if you do.

If you carry on writing this then if you still want them I will send you a bio. Being a member of KInternational I have loads that I have created but never used.

munchin
4/7/2008 c1 5Bleu Ciel
Is this why they call you "Madness Soldier"? Just a thought.

Yeah... Yeah, it's definitely sick. Disgustingly sexy, sad to say. Though I think you can think up sicker things than that. We all can - I mean, I CAN... but you don't want to read about it. Trust me. Or maybe you do.
3/5/2008 c1 Voicesonlytalktome
Wow, I love the concept. Keep going. Nicely done and well written can't wait to see where this is going. ^.^
3/5/2008 c1 4Guardian's Light
Nice first chapter, I enjoy the fighting and a crazy thing happened while reading. Once I got to the actual fighting my favorite Guilty Gear song started on my media player and I was even more stoked. I think I have a character that can work for your story.

Name: Ruri Solaris

Age: 16

Height: 5 ft 5 in

Weight: 120 lbs

Measurements: I'm not really sure how measurements work. Her breasts are fairly small. She has a thin waist and long legs. If that's how they work.

Nationality: Bi-Racial (Japanese-Irish)

Race: Human

Blood Type: O

Weapon: Wrist, Elbow, Knee, and Ankle Knuckles (Pretty much metal armor used to strike attached to those parts.)

Theme Song: Number One (Version Filmologia) by Sagisu Shirou. Discription: Long blue hair, and stunning golden eyes. Other than that it's up to you. She's rather show offish and enjoys being in the sun.

Just could never come up with a story to place the girl in, but this might work out. Also let me test my weapon ideas.
2/6/2008 c1 1The Wolfdemon of fire
that was awesome if you need more characters i'd love to be one my character and kita and she's 5'6 with long dark brown hair with midnight blue hightlights.She's 18 and a wolf demon.Her eyes are like saphire blue or purple which ever one works for you.need to know anything else let me know.Oh and her favorite weapons would be swords and whips.
2/3/2008 c1 1The Master Of Puppets
this was a cool chapter, man. it's super-cool start to the story, in all honesty. the action is very well-done, fun to read and all that jazz. Pandora's quite an interesting chapter, and i can tell that she's a real hellraiser. update soon, hear?
1/13/2008 c1 9Shang
And yet again I come across a story that leaves me with mixed feelings. I prefer to keep my reviews 'to the point', so I'm gonna write it straight: I'm not a big fan of overly brutal action (in some cases I do find it justified and overall it's something I can live with in a story, but gore was never exactly my type of a tale) nor sexual themes (in that last case that's the thing I recently grew to hate in today's story-telling, coz in most cases those sort of scenes are 'just there' with no reason at all: they do not push the story forward nor are they needed), so when I read the A/N at the beginning, I was slightly sceptical about reading on.

In the end I did and I must say that from that point on I'm rather satified with this piece. The action was nice. Maybe not overly spectacular, but it did keep me interested (one question though: how exactly does those blades on Pandora's elbows work, coz I grew slightly confused whether they go from her gauntlets or grew out from her body... also, it'd be useful if you'd write how they look like).

The Blessed seemed like a type of enemies that could make Pandora and her possible, future allies, busy (though it does kinda gives me an impression of "D.Gray-man" and Akuma). And, the way you present them, it gives endless posibilities for adversaries.

You get another plus for the sheer fact that this story kinda reminds me of a pen&paper RPG that I play with my friends every now and then (well, the setting at least) and that it is somewhat similar to one of the stories I had in mind.

For the flow of the stories I have two, slight nit-picks: one is the beginning, when you describe Pandora's thoughts about the subway. The description and all was okay, but it kinda makes it obvious she's about to get raped and predictability is something a writer might wanna avoid when he/she can.

Another thing is the only problem I had with the fight: you wrote there were 5 Blessed, yet the Tiger Ox Jr did not participate in it at all. He just changed and then it'd seem he stopped existing. Thus I advice you either cross out his existance or make him join the fight (unless his disappearance plays a part later on, but in that case Pandora should at least be surprised he's gone when she beats that Armored Bat).

Now, about your character invatation, since one of the things I'm most praised for among the readers of my stories are characters that I create, I suppose I could try creating one or two for your piece, but before that there are things I need to know: does height and weight have to be in American measurements? I'm Polish and quite frankly I'm not familiar with those (I could make them in centimeters and kilograms). Another thing is if I have the freedom of creating the character background and his or hers personality (coz in Pandora's profile those ain't mentioned, but that can be to not give away the story). And lastly: is there really has to be a theme song? XD I'm not too familiar with underground nor heavy metal music and in this sort of story I suppose these would be best fitting.

To sum up: although the story is disturbing and not exactly the type I prefer, I do find it interesting and having potencial. I'll keep an eye out for this one.

Good luck with future chapters.
1/9/2008 c1 4Broker
I wasn't as grossed out as I was expected to be, then again it was only the first chapter. Starts off very well, I'm sitting there, she's pinned against the wall and I'm like whose gonna save her. Then she sprouts blades, shit she's gonna save herself. Good beginning. I was confused on the blades though, they come from her elbows right, i was confused on which they were pointing. is the point of the blade towards her wrist, or does the top of the blade touch her shoulder. When's she's naming the Blessed, it should be "and an Armored Bat."

When you're describing the blessed -this part- The Blessed were cursed beings who "have" been on the planet...-keep it as short as possible because it really through me off, and took away from the suspense, or you can have Pandora read it off.

Either way a good way to start your story, introduced the main character, introduced the problem, or problems and kept it all interesting.

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service