for what's left8/17/2008 c1 
103Jesse the Storyteller
Great poem. You have a poignancy, speaking of honest reality in brutal words that end up beautiful. Great, great job. Also, great job with the repetition of the last line on both the stanzas - it draws them together and forces the reader to compare them. Excellent work.
-Jesse
Attack of the review marathon! (link in profile)
103Jesse the StorytellerGreat poem. You have a poignancy, speaking of honest reality in brutal words that end up beautiful. Great, great job. Also, great job with the repetition of the last line on both the stanzas - it draws them together and forces the reader to compare them. Excellent work.
-Jesse
Attack of the review marathon! (link in profile)
3/15/2008 c1 70this is britt
the contrast is amazing. stark. your word choice, again. diaphragm? exponential? you can feel this.
70this is brittthe contrast is amazing. stark. your word choice, again. diaphragm? exponential? you can feel this.
1/30/2008 c1 871no.peace.los.angeles
Ooh, I love this. Very, well, poetic. I love using seasons and numbers (I know, I know, they're temperatures, but still) in poems, so this makes me happy. I also really love the line "this is like summer lounging across my diaphragm." Very nice. Keep writing! :)
871no.peace.los.angelesOoh, I love this. Very, well, poetic. I love using seasons and numbers (I know, I know, they're temperatures, but still) in poems, so this makes me happy. I also really love the line "this is like summer lounging across my diaphragm." Very nice. Keep writing! :)
1/12/2008 c1 612simpleplan13
I really love the first part about how its summer without any of the positives and then you elaborate... I also love how quickly you switch to winter and how the temperature and protection lines tie the two together so nicely.. amazing job
612simpleplan13I really love the first part about how its summer without any of the positives and then you elaborate... I also love how quickly you switch to winter and how the temperature and protection lines tie the two together so nicely.. amazing job