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8/17/2008 c1 103Jesse the Storyteller
Great poem. You have a poignancy, speaking of honest reality in brutal words that end up beautiful. Great, great job. Also, great job with the repetition of the last line on both the stanzas - it draws them together and forces the reader to compare them. Excellent work.


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3/15/2008 c1 69this is britt
the contrast is amazing. stark. your word choice, again. diaphragm? exponential? you can feel this.
1/30/2008 c1 871no.peace.los.angeles
Ooh, I love this. Very, well, poetic. I love using seasons and numbers (I know, I know, they're temperatures, but still) in poems, so this makes me happy. I also really love the line "this is like summer lounging across my diaphragm." Very nice. Keep writing! :)
1/12/2008 c1 612simpleplan13
I really love the first part about how its summer without any of the positives and then you elaborate... I also love how quickly you switch to winter and how the temperature and protection lines tie the two together so nicely.. amazing job

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