for The Other Girl11/15/2009 c1 Brenda Agaro
That was well written and intriguing. I like how you transition. To me, it flows well. It feels like it could be expanded (especially about Sarah/Miriam and about the boy at the end), but I like this piece nonetheless.
That was well written and intriguing. I like how you transition. To me, it flows well. It feels like it could be expanded (especially about Sarah/Miriam and about the boy at the end), but I like this piece nonetheless.
7/19/2008 c1 
5GosuroriOtaku
I like this. Tragic and angsty and it's just great all-round. i like how you've made Sarah's lonliness really apparent, and how you've described her feelings. And how the cycle starts again with someone else.
5GosuroriOtakuI like this. Tragic and angsty and it's just great all-round. i like how you've made Sarah's lonliness really apparent, and how you've described her feelings. And how the cycle starts again with someone else.
6/24/2008 c1 8Amethyst Asheryn
oh wow. I like the idea of it! So basically ... What? both of the girls died, but Sarah's brain wasn't damaged and so they transplanted it into Mirium's body? That was a really interesting idea.
And ... Dumb question. But I was just wondering - would you allow sort of a companion story, if I could write one, about the end - the other boy's reaction? If not, hey, that's okay. I just thought I'd ask.
Thanks!
Ashe
8Amethyst Asherynoh wow. I like the idea of it! So basically ... What? both of the girls died, but Sarah's brain wasn't damaged and so they transplanted it into Mirium's body? That was a really interesting idea.
And ... Dumb question. But I was just wondering - would you allow sort of a companion story, if I could write one, about the end - the other boy's reaction? If not, hey, that's okay. I just thought I'd ask.
Thanks!
Ashe
6/21/2008 c1 2dragonflydreamer
RM prize review!
I found this story very intersting. You did a good job capturing Sarah's fear. It all seemed so realistic that a reader could begin to wonder if this could truley happen. If you ask me, that is the goal of sci-fi stories, so you met that goal well.
I suppose this is a minor thing, but it really got on my nerves as I was reading: The line breaks were very distracting. It wasn't the location so much as the actual line. Personally, I think something like asterisks or Xs would be better. The line going across makes it feel like the sections are completely seperate, which makes the story feel choppy.
This was an interesting story that was executed well. Great job!
2dragonflydreamerRM prize review!
I found this story very intersting. You did a good job capturing Sarah's fear. It all seemed so realistic that a reader could begin to wonder if this could truley happen. If you ask me, that is the goal of sci-fi stories, so you met that goal well.
I suppose this is a minor thing, but it really got on my nerves as I was reading: The line breaks were very distracting. It wasn't the location so much as the actual line. Personally, I think something like asterisks or Xs would be better. The line going across makes it feel like the sections are completely seperate, which makes the story feel choppy.
This was an interesting story that was executed well. Great job!
6/13/2008 c1 6Hed in the Cloudz
I LOVE this idea. It's wonderfully original, and you've executed it perfectly. The beginning especially was wonderfully described and very beautifully written!
I wish that you had gone into her parents' reactions too, though. Her father seems oblivious to the whole thing, but wouldn't he more likely be freaking out because either a) his daughter looks like a stranger or b) his daughter is a stranger (depending on which on is ACTUALLY the father.) That could be interesting, just a sentence or two about that awkwardness.
Oh, by the way? The bird on Froot Loops is a toucan, not a pelican. :D
Great story, though!
6Hed in the CloudzI LOVE this idea. It's wonderfully original, and you've executed it perfectly. The beginning especially was wonderfully described and very beautifully written!
I wish that you had gone into her parents' reactions too, though. Her father seems oblivious to the whole thing, but wouldn't he more likely be freaking out because either a) his daughter looks like a stranger or b) his daughter is a stranger (depending on which on is ACTUALLY the father.) That could be interesting, just a sentence or two about that awkwardness.
Oh, by the way? The bird on Froot Loops is a toucan, not a pelican. :D
Great story, though!
3/18/2008 c1 8Written
what a compelling read! first of all, I love the idea behind it. instead of an organ transplant, it's like the other way around. although I guess it really is just an organ transplant, but you know what I mean?
I love the descriptions at the beginning (and end). I also like your almost minimalistic style. You say so much with so few words.
("You're skin and bone.")
what a perfect line. amazing.
I really enjoyed this. It has a quiet, soft sadness to it, if that makes sense.
8Writtenwhat a compelling read! first of all, I love the idea behind it. instead of an organ transplant, it's like the other way around. although I guess it really is just an organ transplant, but you know what I mean?
I love the descriptions at the beginning (and end). I also like your almost minimalistic style. You say so much with so few words.
("You're skin and bone.")
what a perfect line. amazing.
I really enjoyed this. It has a quiet, soft sadness to it, if that makes sense.
3/14/2008 c1 12345no
Interesting piece. I just want to say, that I really, really liked the beginning bit, and that's despite me liking all of it. I don't exactly have much else to say, other than the fact that I like it. It looked a little lonely on the site, with no reviews. I'm glad I decided to take a look at it, though.
Interesting piece. I just want to say, that I really, really liked the beginning bit, and that's despite me liking all of it. I don't exactly have much else to say, other than the fact that I like it. It looked a little lonely on the site, with no reviews. I'm glad I decided to take a look at it, though.