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4/10/2009 c1 VeraIconica
I really like this story of yours. I wish you had gone more into detail. Maybe starting when they were children and then going to the party would have been a better begining to the story. Also, going into more detail about Thomas' experiences in the war, and going more into detail about Kate's time volunteering in the war hospital would have been good as well.

Your grammar was very good, as is your paragraph structure.
2/24/2008 c5 1SingingBird812
This was a really interesting story! Thanks for writing it. :)
2/19/2008 c5 3xXSunshineGirlXx
Oh, I loved that story so much! The ending was so cute... I loved it! Great job!
1/20/2008 c5 oldie1
I loved it. It was really good. And if you write the expanded version I’d like to read it. :)
1/19/2008 c1 xXSunshineGirlXx
Wow... this is good so far. i would read more, but i'm getting tired. i'll come back to this later... i'm still wondering what happened between them? good job!
1/19/2008 c4 73aims80
I really like your writing style, and the story itself. I think that I will put it on my faves list and author alert for future updates as I am looking forward to where you are going with it.

The only thing I can suggest is that there I got a bit confused going from the farewell party to a few years later. I'd like to know more about what has been happening in that time. Has Kate been working for the war effort? Has she thought of Thomas? Has she lost other people in her life- relatives or friends? That sort of thing. There are two ways you could fix this:

1) The first few chapters could be a prologue, setting the scene kind of thing, and then from this chapter onwards it is the main story. (But perhaps put at the top of the first chapter the date and then at the top of this chapter the date so people understand from the beginning of the chapter exactly what is happening.) That way you can then go on to talk about her life and let people know what has been happening. OR,

2) You could add these things into this chapter, tell the readers what has been happening for Kate in the proceeding few years and then get on with telling the rest of the story. Doing it this way would mean reposting chapter four though.

Whatever you decide I look forward to continuing to read this story because I truly believe you have a good story here!
1/17/2008 c4 10LeenElle
Ok...sorry for this in advance. First, I had no idea that enough time had passed for three proposals to come about in the beginning of this chapter. I honestly thought we were still at the farewell ball. Therefore, I didn't see Mr. Foxe coming at all, and I was certainly shocked at his proposal, especially after Kate says that she had only met him three times before. I understand that everything is rushed during War times, but I don't think it would be quite so rushed. I think you have something really good here...but stretch it out, let us feel Kate's feelings, her thoughts about Thomas, her really saying goodbye to him, life without him and how and when she finally realizes her own love for him. Why does she love him? What is it about him that makes her have such a strong emotion even while he's gone. Give us some memories that help us relate to her feelings. Sorry, these are just my ideas, and I know you're the author, and that you've got an idea in your head, and maybe you're not planning for this to be a very long story. I hope you know I'm not trying to be discouraging, just helpful, I really think this could be a great story! Keep working on it!
1/17/2008 c3 LeenElle
Ok...too fast for me, sorry. I don't find it hard to believe that Thomas is in love with Kate, because they were always good friends, and I'm sure, that even though she hated Thomas, they still would have seen each other. However, I think it's far too soon for him to propose, especially because he knows that she dislikes him. I think it would have been enough for him to just confess his feelings, which would naturally create a state of confusion for her. I did like the chapter, and I like the story, but that was just a big jump for me, sorry! Still reading!
1/17/2008 c2 LeenElle
Aww..so silly that she's still mad at him for something that is so natural to childhood, who hasn't been thrown into a pool before! I mean really, if everyone decided not to be friends with those people who threw them into pools, a lot of people would have less friends. Sorry, just saying that I think it's kind of brilliant that that's the rift in your friendship. Because as an 11 year old it seems like a big deal, and then you just keep embellishing it in your mind, but later in life, it becomes not such a big deal, when you realize it...so...I'm waiting for her to realize it! Reading on!
1/17/2008 c1 LeenElle
Good first chapter, I like that you left things vague, and left us with an ending that makes me want to keep reading. I also think it's a really good length for a first chapter. Great hook! I'll be back for more when I have time!
1/16/2008 c3 oldie1
BEAUTIFUL! Aw, I love this.

Oh and I also loved this: “Clear liquor and cloudy eyed / Too early to say goodnight”

1/15/2008 c2 oldie1
:( Oh, how sad. And how fantastic! I loved that chapter too :D

I hope you update (really :P) soon.
1/15/2008 c2 southernsinger21
I'm absolutely in LOVE with this story! You must write some more and soon! I can't wait for the next chapter, and I'm glad that I know what happened to make her hate Tom, because after the first chapter I was hoping you would update soon so that I would know.
1/14/2008 c1 oldie1
Aw, I really liked that first chapter :D

Will you post some more soon? I’ll be reading :)

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