for Three Weeks7/26/2014 c1 LaurentheHunter
I really liked this! The characters were good and it did seem realistic, there's a lot that are super bubblegum cliché but this was just great
I really liked this! The characters were good and it did seem realistic, there's a lot that are super bubblegum cliché but this was just great
12/29/2013 c1 Guest
I like it, except I would have added some part in which he did something huge for her (I know he went to the dean, but I mean something else, possibly bigger). Because if someone did all the stuff he did to her, to me, I would hate him, not fall in love with him, as Jazmine did.
Keep up the great work, though!
I like it, except I would have added some part in which he did something huge for her (I know he went to the dean, but I mean something else, possibly bigger). Because if someone did all the stuff he did to her, to me, I would hate him, not fall in love with him, as Jazmine did.
Keep up the great work, though!
5/7/2012 c1 jabberwocky
This is brilliant ;)
This is brilliant ;)
4/22/2010 c1 maiqst
cliche sare great..iloved it.
cliche sare great..iloved it.
10/29/2008 c1 DLETE THIS OLD
i like the story...it was a bit abrupt but not too bad, it's actually written pretty good :)
i like the story...it was a bit abrupt but not too bad, it's actually written pretty good :)
7/27/2008 c1 criti-sized
This is very interesting. Though I normally don't go for the arrogant guy who likes girl, I hae a feeling that something about your story is different.
[I did not like math class and it hated me… fine, truth to be told, I disliked this class for all the people in it.] Lol, I feel the same way, and it does seem that math classes tend to be the loudest.
[Maybe do my homework at the library.] Or option number three, sleep and dream about doing homework.
[John was my eye candy, when I forgot that he was an idiot, he actually looked quite attractive.] Lol, that eye candy part was interesting.
[Well, now I feel like a complete moron.] Well at least she didn't have to go back over it herself.
[“Aren’t you supposed to be like smart or something?” he continued on, as I madly tried to destroy the evidence.] See, he wouldn't have been so bad right away if he hadn't said that. But then again, he's a jock, so it's understandable. I like her response.
[I didn’t want him telling people I was a bitch.] When the guy is an asshole, it's completely acceptable to be a bitch.
Wow, Tuesday was rough. I guess the best way to show that he is an ass is by the last few lines. Guys like that desperately need a taste of their own medicine.
[“It’s funny,” the cretin defended.] It's funny, but not funny.
[“Bitch,” he hissed. Somewhat shocked, I felt my face warm up again.] Wow, I don't think that word could've sounded any nastier.
Wednesday was bad, but not as bad as Tuesday was to me. Though John just seems to be more of a jerk as the days go by, I wouldn't be able to tell yet, because only two have passed.
[“Oh, my bad,” John said laughing.] His laughing would've ended there with me. I was in detention more than I was in class, lol.
Thursday kinda reminded me of fifth grade, where the boys that liked the girls couldn't tell them because they'd be teased by friends, so they did little stunts to show the girls they liked them. Tripping them up was one of them.
[I glared at the little red numbers, a 73. well, at least I didn’t fail it, I quickly flipped the page so no prying eye will see it.] Well, seventy three is a passing grade. Also, you had 'will', and changed tenses.
[“He got a 78, higher or lower?” John nodded toward his friend who was watching us with a smirk.] I would've been like, 'Is there the part where you make normal conversation, or act like a primate?' Yeah, I was a bitch in high school, but that was because I didn't care what people thought, lol.
[Maybe if I act like I don’t care, he’ll go away.] You changed tenses in this sentence also.
[“No, it was something about killing assholes and such,” I snapped. I heard some "ohhs" go around the room.] Good reply.
[John gave me an odd look, “you’re weird.”] I'd have been like, 'Is that all you have?'
Wow, Friday was hell for her. For me, going to detention would've been awesome. I always had more fun in detention than I did in class anyways.
[I almost ran to class to get there before he will.] You changed tenses here also.
[“You look like you’ve just had sex,”] Wow, got Bogo on the brain?
[Thankfully, he didn’t harass me anymore that day.] Well, things are starting to change, because he figured she looked like she'd been having sex.
[It was so easy, why can’t all math subjects be so understandable?] Tenses were changed in this sentence.
And Friday he's a jerk again. One minute he wants to procreate with her, and then he insults her because of his friend. How typical guy.
She let his girlfriend rough her up. OMG! Okay, I guess that'll help them get together.
Well, I though it was good that she got out her feelings, but it was a bit awkward. One day they don't get along, then he likes her, his girlfriend beats her up, and then he admits he likes her. To top it off they get together in the end... But honestly, it was interesting. It oly annoyed me in certain parts because I'm more of an action person, lol.
Great one-shot.
C.S.
This is very interesting. Though I normally don't go for the arrogant guy who likes girl, I hae a feeling that something about your story is different.
[I did not like math class and it hated me… fine, truth to be told, I disliked this class for all the people in it.] Lol, I feel the same way, and it does seem that math classes tend to be the loudest.
[Maybe do my homework at the library.] Or option number three, sleep and dream about doing homework.
[John was my eye candy, when I forgot that he was an idiot, he actually looked quite attractive.] Lol, that eye candy part was interesting.
[Well, now I feel like a complete moron.] Well at least she didn't have to go back over it herself.
[“Aren’t you supposed to be like smart or something?” he continued on, as I madly tried to destroy the evidence.] See, he wouldn't have been so bad right away if he hadn't said that. But then again, he's a jock, so it's understandable. I like her response.
[I didn’t want him telling people I was a bitch.] When the guy is an asshole, it's completely acceptable to be a bitch.
Wow, Tuesday was rough. I guess the best way to show that he is an ass is by the last few lines. Guys like that desperately need a taste of their own medicine.
[“It’s funny,” the cretin defended.] It's funny, but not funny.
[“Bitch,” he hissed. Somewhat shocked, I felt my face warm up again.] Wow, I don't think that word could've sounded any nastier.
Wednesday was bad, but not as bad as Tuesday was to me. Though John just seems to be more of a jerk as the days go by, I wouldn't be able to tell yet, because only two have passed.
[“Oh, my bad,” John said laughing.] His laughing would've ended there with me. I was in detention more than I was in class, lol.
Thursday kinda reminded me of fifth grade, where the boys that liked the girls couldn't tell them because they'd be teased by friends, so they did little stunts to show the girls they liked them. Tripping them up was one of them.
[I glared at the little red numbers, a 73. well, at least I didn’t fail it, I quickly flipped the page so no prying eye will see it.] Well, seventy three is a passing grade. Also, you had 'will', and changed tenses.
[“He got a 78, higher or lower?” John nodded toward his friend who was watching us with a smirk.] I would've been like, 'Is there the part where you make normal conversation, or act like a primate?' Yeah, I was a bitch in high school, but that was because I didn't care what people thought, lol.
[Maybe if I act like I don’t care, he’ll go away.] You changed tenses in this sentence also.
[“No, it was something about killing assholes and such,” I snapped. I heard some "ohhs" go around the room.] Good reply.
[John gave me an odd look, “you’re weird.”] I'd have been like, 'Is that all you have?'
Wow, Friday was hell for her. For me, going to detention would've been awesome. I always had more fun in detention than I did in class anyways.
[I almost ran to class to get there before he will.] You changed tenses here also.
[“You look like you’ve just had sex,”] Wow, got Bogo on the brain?
[Thankfully, he didn’t harass me anymore that day.] Well, things are starting to change, because he figured she looked like she'd been having sex.
[It was so easy, why can’t all math subjects be so understandable?] Tenses were changed in this sentence.
And Friday he's a jerk again. One minute he wants to procreate with her, and then he insults her because of his friend. How typical guy.
She let his girlfriend rough her up. OMG! Okay, I guess that'll help them get together.
Well, I though it was good that she got out her feelings, but it was a bit awkward. One day they don't get along, then he likes her, his girlfriend beats her up, and then he admits he likes her. To top it off they get together in the end... But honestly, it was interesting. It oly annoyed me in certain parts because I'm more of an action person, lol.
Great one-shot.
C.S.
5/17/2008 c1 
1d666lisa
The story was excellent up to the meeting with the ex-girlfriend, at that point it just became a cliche. Overall though a good story, very cute and fluffy.
1d666lisaThe story was excellent up to the meeting with the ex-girlfriend, at that point it just became a cliche. Overall though a good story, very cute and fluffy.
5/17/2008 c1 9Lily Llynn
Some grammar/spelling mistakes (those painful shoes never cause us to heal, so they're called heels, not heals), but cute, fluffy, and the romance is understandable. I find it hard to believe that people can fall in love within the course of three weeks, but it is possible. As I said, it's cute and fluffy despite the mistakes. Also, we never get her name! Rawr! Oh and also, just wondering: what grade are they in?
Hehe. I'm glad xoxluurve added this to our c2.
9Lily LlynnSome grammar/spelling mistakes (those painful shoes never cause us to heal, so they're called heels, not heals), but cute, fluffy, and the romance is understandable. I find it hard to believe that people can fall in love within the course of three weeks, but it is possible. As I said, it's cute and fluffy despite the mistakes. Also, we never get her name! Rawr! Oh and also, just wondering: what grade are they in?
Hehe. I'm glad xoxluurve added this to our c2.
5/16/2008 c1 manutdmad
hey ,there!
just read this , and since u asked to leave honest comments, i shall and since i have nothing better to do , well , actually i got an exam on monday , but history bores me...going off topic, sorry
like i was saying , the main plot was good but u would have presented it in a better way , use a variety on words/adjectives
in the beginning there was excess use of the words moron/ dumbass
"I glared at the little red numbers, a flipping 73. At least I didn’t fail it; I thought quickly flipping the page so no prying eye will see it."
there is a reputation of "flipping"...try not to use the same word in one paragraph, it gives the idea that the writer doesn't have much vocabulary.
the meeting with the ex-gf , was unoriginal , u could have tried something a little more creative, to enhance the reader's interest
also, there were a a few miss spelled words
i hope i didn't sound too rude , or offensive...just trying to help
read through all of it a few times, these mistakes can be easily fixed
i loved ur ending though , meeting in the hallway...the idea is used but u made it work !
cheers :]
hey ,there!
just read this , and since u asked to leave honest comments, i shall and since i have nothing better to do , well , actually i got an exam on monday , but history bores me...going off topic, sorry
like i was saying , the main plot was good but u would have presented it in a better way , use a variety on words/adjectives
in the beginning there was excess use of the words moron/ dumbass
"I glared at the little red numbers, a flipping 73. At least I didn’t fail it; I thought quickly flipping the page so no prying eye will see it."
there is a reputation of "flipping"...try not to use the same word in one paragraph, it gives the idea that the writer doesn't have much vocabulary.
the meeting with the ex-gf , was unoriginal , u could have tried something a little more creative, to enhance the reader's interest
also, there were a a few miss spelled words
i hope i didn't sound too rude , or offensive...just trying to help
read through all of it a few times, these mistakes can be easily fixed
i loved ur ending though , meeting in the hallway...the idea is used but u made it work !
cheers :]