for The Misdial1/21/2008 c6 
6acriter
All I can say is that if you keep updating at this rate I will be very impressed! I like how you've slowly added deeper issues into it all so that you have more than one possible story line. The rick/dave thing is a little cliche but I guess that's pretty unavoidable. Keep it up!
6acriterAll I can say is that if you keep updating at this rate I will be very impressed! I like how you've slowly added deeper issues into it all so that you have more than one possible story line. The rick/dave thing is a little cliche but I guess that's pretty unavoidable. Keep it up!
1/21/2008 c5 10rebellionVII
this is a GREAT concept for a story!
i love your characters, too . . they seem so real to me.
one thing you might want to think about, though, is putting an obvious separation point when you have both characters in one chapter, just to make it easier to tell where we are :P
other than that, everything is great.
this is a wonderful story, and i can't wait to read the next chapter!
10rebellionVIIthis is a GREAT concept for a story!
i love your characters, too . . they seem so real to me.
one thing you might want to think about, though, is putting an obvious separation point when you have both characters in one chapter, just to make it easier to tell where we are :P
other than that, everything is great.
this is a wonderful story, and i can't wait to read the next chapter!
1/20/2008 c1 8find-a-new-way
great job! very discriptive writing. you get better and better each chapter. that definetly takes a while to think of that. awesome job!
8find-a-new-waygreat job! very discriptive writing. you get better and better each chapter. that definetly takes a while to think of that. awesome job!
1/20/2008 c4 4shootingstar89
yes, yes, YES! i love the update...rick isn't right for sarah...her gut feeling is so on. okay, i know you've updated twice today...but i'm greedy. i'm begging? please, some more.
4shootingstar89yes, yes, YES! i love the update...rick isn't right for sarah...her gut feeling is so on. okay, i know you've updated twice today...but i'm greedy. i'm begging? please, some more.
1/20/2008 c2 12harrison-girl
Hm, this is interesting, but it's pretty cliche that Sara has a boyfriend and such.
12harrison-girlHm, this is interesting, but it's pretty cliche that Sara has a boyfriend and such.
1/20/2008 c2 4shootingstar89
omgosh...KEEP GOING! i love the new story type...i haven't read something like this before. i can't wait to hear what happens next!
4shootingstar89omgosh...KEEP GOING! i love the new story type...i haven't read something like this before. i can't wait to hear what happens next!
1/20/2008 c2 6acriter
Yeah I think that you needed to just get into it. Avoiding stereotypes is such a hard thing to do but so far I'm thinking that Dave is a believable sensitive footballer and Sara seems like a nice girl!
6acriterYeah I think that you needed to just get into it. Avoiding stereotypes is such a hard thing to do but so far I'm thinking that Dave is a believable sensitive footballer and Sara seems like a nice girl!
1/20/2008 c1 acriter
It looks like a good start for a story... The dialogue is a little fixed at times but I guess that's what happens when your characters have only just started to form. Update soon!
It looks like a good start for a story... The dialogue is a little fixed at times but I guess that's what happens when your characters have only just started to form. Update soon!