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1/27/2008 c2 Fractured Illusion
I'm part of the Review Marathon! (link in profile)

You know what this reminds me of? Those CSI shows and such other, where people just know the weirdest stuff for no reason, and by heart too!

"I found Detective Marcus and annoying interest."

- Confusing. What do you mean by "and annoying interest"? I truly don't get it...

"annoy my"

- *me*

"Seriously he smelt like a roadside restroom it was horrific."

- Ouch. Bad choice of word! "Seriously"? A person his with bright IQ would not use a teenage word like Seriously. Ok it is not a teenage word, but seriously, come on! It is not a high IQ word for sure. It doesn't fit, that's all I am saying.

I noticed, that when you have questions, you don't use the question marks. Which I now urge you to start doing. A comma is not enough of a substitute.

I am shocked at how little recognition this story has! :O It's truly wonderful! The second chapter isn't quite as charismatic as the first one, but the quirkyness is still there. The dialog and remarks about Marcus' new cologne was a favourite ^^

Keep it up and keep 'em coming!

- Frac
1/27/2008 c1 Fractured Illusion
It's the day of the Review Marathon! (link in profile)

"the grass it was all wrong"

- *were* all wrong. Lose the "it", too

" I couldn’t tell from the way he was positioned but he was 6’3” 170lbs"

- *laughs* Oh my god, this Dart dude is really an awesome man at spotting things! :O I bet he can spot a guilty conscious a mile away!

"no exit would"

- *wound*

I must say, I really urge you to put the category "Humor" to it as well! Because this most certainly is! Or a parody. Depends what you want, really.

I am absolutely charmed by this story! These two genius detectives can come to such pinpointed and correct conclusions by only using a second to look!

And now they have to endure each other! Haha! Brilliant! ^^

Only concrit I can offer is that when Marcus explains the...well, everything, it is very hard to read and lengthy, and I couldn't keep my concentration on it. :P That is most likely intentional but still...tone it down a bit, eh? :P

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