Just In
Community
Forum
V
More
for Because I said so!

6/10/2008 c7 8Midnight Memories
Hi!

FINE, I'll review. :) Because I'm nice... or because MY NAME APPEARED! *Jumps around x10*

I wanted to BETA-read you too... but I only BETA-read for people I don't know. I have the tendancy to be a real (*@# when I do so for people. I don't want to lose you, Emy! =D

o.O Did you base Julie off of me? XD I keep making comparisons from myself to her. XP

"I looked like some runaway olive." XD Hah! Intense, I ADORE the comparison! Digne du tutu rose...

I have to point out here how sarcastic you sound sometimes when you write. XD I don't know why. It just fits you so much, it's scary to read. But enjoyable nonetheless!

"I frowned. A break meant I had time to think. That was a bad thing. A very bad thing." My way of living in homework. As soon as I take a break, this -Points to self being on computer, reading your story- happens.

"You look bored. Why don't you have a chat with Frankie?" YAY! FRANKIE! -Does a happy dance- :D I really have to make you read my Screnzy.

"his handsomeness protecting him from evil spells" XD One (or five...): lmfao.

For the bars- Iloveyou. It makes it SO much clearer to distinguish the P.O.V's.

"I could almost imagine the cartoon cloud over his head" The everlasting, non-"it-gets-old" anime quote. XD I love it.

Ohh it's starting to get physical... v.v Me doesn't like fistfights...

Ahh, the fun-ness of writing songs. Good luck with that dearest. But really, you WILL manage. You did NaNo- you can write a song!

Take care my lovely sister!

Jue
6/8/2008 c7 4Mary Chrys
This is a really good story. It made me laugh. And it is realistic. What I want to know is what was up with that phone call and why isn't she more worried about it? But anyway, great job, update soon!
5/17/2008 c6 4Bitten by a cow
One thing I noticed here: you made it sound as though Martin is actually speaking. Oh, and it's very difficult to read lips. For me, anyway...but, the eye-rolls and smirks are more realistic and easily-understood messages. Those are the messages you want to use more often when "speaking" in class, and therefore the messages you want to use when writing about it.

This was a little confusing, the switching-between-viewpoints, but if you just put a line in between them it'll be much better.

Ah, and "Japanese" is an adjective, not a noun. You used it as a noun. "Japanese girl" would work, though.

Try not to use the cheesy words like "orbs" (when speaking of eyes) and "waist". They only add to a cliche feeling. But, your other descriptions are excellent! I do like the Martin-looking-over-Maddie part. It just seems like a guy thing, though don't go into much detail when describing clothes from a guy's point of view. (I don't think they notice much) You didn't; I was just warning ahead of time.

Okay, why did she just brush her leg against his? That's a bit much, especially since they're both determined to hate each other.

There wasn't too much cliche-ness. The orbs and waists can be cut out (the words! not the objects! pain!), as well as leg-rubbing-against-leg part (it's a bit much for them right now), put in lines, and voila!

Alrighty, that's all! I like your story so far! Just avoid those cliche words, and you're good to go!

Bitten

Smile! :) God loves you!
3/23/2008 c5 Chocolate Lover
A nicely done chapter!

Wow, that was really unexpected. I never thought Martin could be so nice, and to a kid! In the previous chapters, he was so cold, but here, he's actually showing some real emotion. Cool.

April's character was very real as well.

Your grammar's pretty good on this chapter. Great job.

Please update soon! I'll be waiting for the next chapter.
3/22/2008 c5 Bitten by a cow
I've never known a guy who could tolerate baby-sitting, but...maybe Martin would do it...since Kyoko forced him, but even so.

Okay, this is seriously not realistic. I'm sorry. But, a forty-something man is not going to make fun of a fourteen-year-old with a mental issue. The most likely thing is what everyone was doing before: staring, pointing, avoiding. He wouldn't call her a retard, or insult her mother.

OHH! That's why he learned her number! Okay, that makes sense. Otherwise, it would have been...strange...

Eh, you suddenly switched to present tense...but only for a few sentences.

Okay, total overview: most of it was good, but I think that you should switch the forty-year-old man to being a teenager, or something. And, it isn't easy to bloody your knuckles. Unless Martin hit the man's pocket knife, (and it was somehow open) his knuckles wouldn't get bloody. So, no blood, and no forty-year-old men, and...make sure everything's present tense, and voila!

Okay, that's it. Please don't be offended, but I'm being totally honest. Okay.

End!

Bitten

Smile! :) God loves you!
3/22/2008 c5 7live.in.content
aw, that was cute, update soon!
3/22/2008 c5 1Jevanminx
Aw GO MARTIN thats man was an arse. Aw Maddie blushed.

JM
3/17/2008 c4 Jevanminx
Kyoko is cool. But what did Maddy do, whats wrong with her, I mean I have some ideas but of course I dont know.

JM
3/17/2008 c4 6beccabrighteyes
I think it would be cool to see it from a secondary character's pov.

Oh, and not that its a big deal, but in case you care, you have the wrong flu. Flu as in the sickness is Flu. What you have I think refers to a part of a chimney, but don't quote me on that.

Great story, by the way. Cute.
3/16/2008 c4 7live.in.content
aw, lol so far this is an amazing story, just wodering what the phone call in the 2nd chapter was about. anyways, update soon!
3/16/2008 c4 4Bitten by a cow
Hello again! Okay, so that's what those Japanese words mean. That's helpful; thank you!

Hm? Who has Maddie so tightly wrapped around his finger...? Is she talking about garage-dude, or Martin?

Okay, that's freaky. He knows her phone number by HEART! That's just depressing. I think he should...not. If he has her phone number memorized, then it should be obvious to himself that he likes her. To be honest, I don't think there's any reason he would learn it, especially if he keeps trying to convince himself that he hates her.

Hm, a second-character's POV? That sounds interesting. Heh, Lyza seems clueless enough that she'd just giggle. Well, I do think that's a good idea.

Well, continue writing! I hope this review was helpful!

Bitten

Smile! :) God loves you!
3/16/2008 c4 Chocolate Lover
So far, the story's great. I prefer the past-tense way you wrote it more than the present tense, but that's up to you. :))

Nice work on the Japanese. (Well, I don't speak Japanese, but it took some effort looking the words up in the dictionary, right?) But I was wondering... there's one part in your story where I read something like "It's just the flue..." - maybe you mean 'flu'? And in one part I've seen 'sombrely', and you mean 'somberly'?

Ugh, sorry... I'm just a stickler to spelling or grammar... You have a few typos, but very minor ones that you could easily correct.

As for the plot, I like it. I love the way you wrote about them secretly liking each other but openly despising each other, and I like the wit and humor the characters have. And about Kyoko... I'm not sure if I can imagine her with a red mohawk, but that's pretty unique. :)) And she's such a good friend, too. Can't wait for the conflict in Maddie's life to unfold.

As for Lyza's POV, I think it's worth a try. Maybe it'll be fun seeing the two in someone else's eyes.

Please update soon! Keep up the great work! ^^
3/16/2008 c1 Chocolate Lover
Nice start. I was looking over the fics and your summary caught my eye, so I started reading. (It's not really that hard to follow, by the way. :D)

Whoa, Madeleine's got a strange personality and habits, but she's really interesting. Their mental quarrel was definitely amusing! I like it.

Keep up the great work!
3/16/2008 c1 1fights with fire
I really like the writing style and I don't think it's hard to follow at all.
3/15/2008 c4 7SecretAgentWoman
Wow, that's really interesting! What's up with Maddie? This is really good, so please keep writing!
195 « Prev Page 1 .. 2 9 10 11 12 13 Next »

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service