for Because I said so!3/13/2008 c3 
6beccabrighteyes
yikes...so its gotta be the father...she was too young to have a boyfriend...unless it was her mom's boyfriend...
I wanna know what happens next!
6beccabrighteyesyikes...so its gotta be the father...she was too young to have a boyfriend...unless it was her mom's boyfriend...
I wanna know what happens next!
3/12/2008 c3 4Bitten by a cow
YOU RESPECT ME ABOVE ALL? REALLY? WOW! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH! Okay, hyperventilation complete. Sorry I took so long to review...but anyway, here it is!
Kyoko? Is she Japanese? Ah, yes. Okay. Ooch, red mohawk. That hurts my imagination. Heh, but I like it.
Are you taking Japanese? What does "Onegai" mean? Sorry, I only know a few little words...and, what does "Yokatta" mean? I like that you are using Japanese, but I think you should write the translations at the end, maybe in your author's note.
Aww, Maddie's so sad. But I did like how you made Martin worried, and she noticed it slightly.
Heh, and you did a good job making her want to hug him, but she didn't. That is one of the biggest things that keeps a reader hooked: a romance in which the couple don't actually kiss or hug or express their feelings, causing the reader to want them to do so much more. If you just blurt it out and make them love each other and kiss right off the bat(which you didn't do!), it isn't as interesting for the reader. Does that make sense? Or am I just speaking jibberish that makes sense only to myself?
Um, that's all! Whew, this review was even longer than last time...well, I hope you enjoyed it and got something useful from it!
End!
Bitten by a cow
Smile! :) God loves you!
P.S. I love the past-tense! It's excellent! :)
4Bitten by a cowYOU RESPECT ME ABOVE ALL? REALLY? WOW! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH! Okay, hyperventilation complete. Sorry I took so long to review...but anyway, here it is!
Kyoko? Is she Japanese? Ah, yes. Okay. Ooch, red mohawk. That hurts my imagination. Heh, but I like it.
Are you taking Japanese? What does "Onegai" mean? Sorry, I only know a few little words...and, what does "Yokatta" mean? I like that you are using Japanese, but I think you should write the translations at the end, maybe in your author's note.
Aww, Maddie's so sad. But I did like how you made Martin worried, and she noticed it slightly.
Heh, and you did a good job making her want to hug him, but she didn't. That is one of the biggest things that keeps a reader hooked: a romance in which the couple don't actually kiss or hug or express their feelings, causing the reader to want them to do so much more. If you just blurt it out and make them love each other and kiss right off the bat(which you didn't do!), it isn't as interesting for the reader. Does that make sense? Or am I just speaking jibberish that makes sense only to myself?
Um, that's all! Whew, this review was even longer than last time...well, I hope you enjoyed it and got something useful from it!
End!
Bitten by a cow
Smile! :) God loves you!
P.S. I love the past-tense! It's excellent! :)
2/29/2008 c2 8Midnight Memories
Hey M-E!
I'll leave you a review even though you don't return the favor! Bwahaha! XP I'll stop rubbing it in, lol.
Well I adored this chapter, but as you said, you're killing the 'Drabble' thing. It's not a drabble anyone, so I suggest you delete that from the summary. It'll obviously (or rather, hopefully) turn into a multi-chapter story.
I'm betting that Maddie was abused by her dad or smt and he's gotten out of jail. Luke was either the social worker, the cop, or something... someone who helped her...
Loved the slight fluff between Maddie and Martin! It was very subtle, but there still! I know they're going to get together, come on. It's too cute to be let up!
You're such an amazing writer...
Take care!
8Midnight MemoriesHey M-E!
I'll leave you a review even though you don't return the favor! Bwahaha! XP I'll stop rubbing it in, lol.
Well I adored this chapter, but as you said, you're killing the 'Drabble' thing. It's not a drabble anyone, so I suggest you delete that from the summary. It'll obviously (or rather, hopefully) turn into a multi-chapter story.
I'm betting that Maddie was abused by her dad or smt and he's gotten out of jail. Luke was either the social worker, the cop, or something... someone who helped her...
Loved the slight fluff between Maddie and Martin! It was very subtle, but there still! I know they're going to get together, come on. It's too cute to be let up!
You're such an amazing writer...
Take care!
2/28/2008 c2 LondonLi
This is fabulous second chapter! From the "drabblish" beginning, it suddenly morphed into a great story that has me totally intrigued! Well done; I'm totally looking forward to the next one!
This is fabulous second chapter! From the "drabblish" beginning, it suddenly morphed into a great story that has me totally intrigued! Well done; I'm totally looking forward to the next one!
2/28/2008 c2 4Bitten by a cow
Ooh! Um, one thing: when you write, try to put it in the past-sort of view. You put it into the present-sort of view. Nothing's necessarily wrong with that, but it is a bit harder to read. Only a little, though. If you like it, that's cool; it's only a suggestion.
Ouch. If their parents are at the point of throwing appliances, that sucks. I do hope that you cause them to like each other more!
I like how they hate each other. Or, should I say, pretend to hate each other. It's very clever!
Offense. Offence. How do you spell it? I don't know. Either way works! C.S. Lewis spells it with a c, but...that was from a long time ago...
Eh? Who's Luke? Who's the garage-dude? What's with the garage? Does garage-dude live in Toronto? WHY IS HE CHASING THEM! I DEMAND TO KNOW!
Heh. I guess my review was mostly just my random thoughts. Well, I liked it! I think - in my not-professional opinion - you should change your verbs to past tense. And...TELL ME WHO THE GARAGE-DUDE IS! And...yeah. Oh, and please help the appliance-throwing parents! That's scary.
I think it's excellent. A bit of patching up, changing the tense, and showing who garage-dude is will make your story wondermous! (holy cow, this is a long review!)
Bitten
Smile! :) God loves you!
4Bitten by a cowOoh! Um, one thing: when you write, try to put it in the past-sort of view. You put it into the present-sort of view. Nothing's necessarily wrong with that, but it is a bit harder to read. Only a little, though. If you like it, that's cool; it's only a suggestion.
Ouch. If their parents are at the point of throwing appliances, that sucks. I do hope that you cause them to like each other more!
I like how they hate each other. Or, should I say, pretend to hate each other. It's very clever!
Offense. Offence. How do you spell it? I don't know. Either way works! C.S. Lewis spells it with a c, but...that was from a long time ago...
Eh? Who's Luke? Who's the garage-dude? What's with the garage? Does garage-dude live in Toronto? WHY IS HE CHASING THEM! I DEMAND TO KNOW!
Heh. I guess my review was mostly just my random thoughts. Well, I liked it! I think - in my not-professional opinion - you should change your verbs to past tense. And...TELL ME WHO THE GARAGE-DUDE IS! And...yeah. Oh, and please help the appliance-throwing parents! That's scary.
I think it's excellent. A bit of patching up, changing the tense, and showing who garage-dude is will make your story wondermous! (holy cow, this is a long review!)
Bitten
Smile! :) God loves you!
2/17/2008 c1 4no secrets no lies
that was very cute, I liked the style of writing! Oh, and I also want to trail behind a car on roller blades! :D
4no secrets no liesthat was very cute, I liked the style of writing! Oh, and I also want to trail behind a car on roller blades! :D
1/31/2008 c1 9Lily Llynn
Cute. Not that confusing, since the events coincide with each other. And their thoughts, too. (: I love this, I really do. (: Cheers to woodstock1969 for adding this to our c2. (:
9Lily LlynnCute. Not that confusing, since the events coincide with each other. And their thoughts, too. (: I love this, I really do. (: Cheers to woodstock1969 for adding this to our c2. (:
1/26/2008 c1 x3life
I kinda like how this was written, the whole back and fourth of perspectives. =) haha
I kinda like how this was written, the whole back and fourth of perspectives. =) haha
1/26/2008 c1 6beccabrighteyes
I absolutely love this! He said/She said are always amusing but this one is awesome.
6beccabrighteyesI absolutely love this! He said/She said are always amusing but this one is awesome.
1/26/2008 c1 3Katie Valentine
oh gosh, this is good! real good! maybe a tad confusing, but it was definitely worth reading till the very end. i think you should continue the story, lol. :D
3Katie Valentineoh gosh, this is good! real good! maybe a tad confusing, but it was definitely worth reading till the very end. i think you should continue the story, lol. :D
1/25/2008 c1 4Bitten by a cow
Wow. That was pretty interesting! The viewpoints are a little awkward, but the story itself is interesting. I like the way that the two characters think totally different things about the other's "kindness". But why was Madeleine jumping?
Well, if you turn this into a novel, I suggest that you use this sort of view for maybe a chapter or part of a chapter, but switch to "past participle" for the regular writing. The way you wrote it is good, but if you use it too much, it could become a bit of a hassle for readers.
So, I hope I didn't offend you or anything. But really, your writing is good! Keep it up! Alright, that's all!
Bitten
Smile! :) God loves you!
4Bitten by a cowWow. That was pretty interesting! The viewpoints are a little awkward, but the story itself is interesting. I like the way that the two characters think totally different things about the other's "kindness". But why was Madeleine jumping?
Well, if you turn this into a novel, I suggest that you use this sort of view for maybe a chapter or part of a chapter, but switch to "past participle" for the regular writing. The way you wrote it is good, but if you use it too much, it could become a bit of a hassle for readers.
So, I hope I didn't offend you or anything. But really, your writing is good! Keep it up! Alright, that's all!
Bitten
Smile! :) God loves you!