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for Endless

12/15/2008 c1 2Mirrors Lie
Its good for a first story. I kind of got lost, its a little confusing. It could use more details.Is there anyway you could add more?
10/15/2008 c1 4MarsMonster
that was crazay! lol!

8/3/2008 c1 5Vector Phantom
Well this was strange and random, but I liked it.

It reminds me of Alice in Wonderland.
7/4/2008 c1 azy07y
Well, it's very interesting, and I also have very strange dreams like this. I suggest that you shorten your sentences a bit, and be a little more narrative. For instance, instead of "I was in an orphanage but somehow I wasn't surprise and I didn't care for some reason I knew everything about it," you could something like, "Looking around me, I realized that I was in an orphanage. Somehow, I wasn't surprised, and I didn't care. For some reason, I knew everything about this place." It makes the story flow a little better. Also, instead of saying 'then...' when going to a new topic, you could separate it with line breaks. Great job!

6/26/2008 c1 1Bandfan234
Nice! I personally liked the first part of your dream the best. Have you considered turning that into an actual, in depth story? It was just so interesting! There were a lot of places where you put comaa, and you probably should've used periods to prevent run on sentences. But really, the whole thing was fascinating! You have really cool dreams! :)
2/23/2008 c1 5dyslexic.poet
Wow! I LOVE this! It's so...whimsical, I guess ^^ That last part gave me the chills. Just be careful about grammar, although in this case, I think run-on sentences are quite appropriate! Too bad all your other fics are in spanish T-T

Keep on writing! XD


PS. Thanks SO much for reviewing "Breathe"! Made me smile! :D

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