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for Empires of the Sun: A Historical Fantasy

5/11/2008 c19 6The Crazy Talk Kid
Well, I give it an overall B- for depth, an A for grammar, and an A- for plot. You could use a little more depth to your characters and maybe a little less info dumping but other than that it's really good. Well done

5/11/2008 c18 27Melissa Norvell
This is getting more and more interesting. I wonder where things will go from here.
5/11/2008 c18 6The Crazy Talk Kid
Nice job old boy but I do have a few points. First the grammar looked fine to me. Next, this chapter seemed kind of info dump-like to me. Lastly, Very unexpected ending. Kdh.
5/10/2008 c17 The Crazy Talk Kid
I like it and no major errors. So does Frenchie have a construct too and just isn't using it? I must say that this dagger sounds like one hell of a thaumaturgical artifact. Nice job but don't skimp so much on the chapters. Kdh.
4/27/2008 c16 10Crownbreaker
Interesting chapter. Aztecs are getting their asses kicked, but chasing a defeated enemy too far can turn nasty for the pursuers.

A couple of questions:

1. It seems like the various form of thaumaturgy are more direct in Empire of the Sun than in Father of Lights. Is that the case or am I just misremembering?

2. Does destroying a construct kill the controller? Because that is the impression I get from the destruction of of Xochiquetzalli's construct.
4/20/2008 c16 6The Crazy Talk Kid
That was a rather unexpected twist. I am a little curious though why they would push into the capitol where they would be outnumbered so. Still I enjoyed the chapter and could find no glaring errors. Kdh.
4/1/2008 c15 27Melissa Norvell
This chapter was rather short but it was still good. I'm liking Ragnar more and more for some reason. Keep up the good work!
3/30/2008 c15 6The Crazy Talk Kid
Hmm, a little more discription, length, and depth definitly wouldn't have hurt this chapter. A run in with the furry toad or a more in depth fight with the other creatures would have been a real help. Just a thought. Kdh.
3/23/2008 c14 The Crazy Talk Kid
Ahh, leaving me on a cliffhanger is a little cruel... I really want to see the creepy monsters attack. I like how you tie your stories in together; it's a nice touch. Good job but a little short. Kdh.
3/15/2008 c13 The Crazy Talk Kid
You're going to call this place Shebulba, aren't you? Well, that would be pretty sweet. Another good chapter and I got nothin' to report. Kdh.


Sorry I missed your IM.
3/15/2008 c12 27Melissa Norvell
This was definitely interesting to read. I really like this story and I find myself more and more in to the characters and places. Kensuke is probably my favorite but I also like Ragnar too.
3/15/2008 c12 6The Crazy Talk Kid
That was an interesting twist on the ab-dead part, threw me for a loop. I also think that hate powered armor is a cool idea because humans are the perfect batteries for such things. Anywho, cool chapter and sorry I didn't find any big mistakes but I'm not very good at such things. Kdh.
3/13/2008 c11 The Crazy Talk Kid
Cool, I like spider mounts because they're perfect for offense and defense in that kind of terrain. Would the New Edo party happen to buy some to go to the iceburg, that would be pretty sweet. Anyway, Kdh.
3/11/2008 c10 The Crazy Talk Kid
Ooh, the plot thickens with the revelations of Europeans. I can't think of any faults with this chapter. Good job. Kdh.
3/9/2008 c9 27Melissa Norvell
This story never gets boring, I guess because I like things that are at least accurate enough to where it doesn't become cliche'. Please update soon!
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