for The Laughing God9/20/2009 c2 
9Narq
The first sentence, "Bedtime for us came early that night, though we are as a group typically nocturnal" was especially catching, so good work. I also liked the detail of the food, pickled beets and cheese, I wish I could write like that!
And the aside! LOL~ "to this day I don’t know what it was, but it was several times my size and very hungry, and I turned the tables on it by killing and eating it in northern Russia in 1763"
Oh, poor woman, your husband is soo... X "Oh don’t worry about it, no harm done. Its not like you have anything worth groping"
Hm~ exciting last paragraph, I wonder what comes next!
And please point out the next bit of work you'd like me to read :)
Narq.
9NarqThe first sentence, "Bedtime for us came early that night, though we are as a group typically nocturnal" was especially catching, so good work. I also liked the detail of the food, pickled beets and cheese, I wish I could write like that!
And the aside! LOL~ "to this day I don’t know what it was, but it was several times my size and very hungry, and I turned the tables on it by killing and eating it in northern Russia in 1763"
Oh, poor woman, your husband is soo... X "Oh don’t worry about it, no harm done. Its not like you have anything worth groping"
Hm~ exciting last paragraph, I wonder what comes next!
And please point out the next bit of work you'd like me to read :)
Narq.
9/15/2009 c1 Narq
Hey, as promised, here I am.
My wife has an inkling of my inner workings (sometimes to my annoyance), and I have stopped trying to keep secrets from her, since she has a hard time keeping a secret herself. - I don't really see what you're trying to say here. From my understanding is that he doesn't keep secrets from his wife any more because she can't keep it to herself but that doesn't make sense.. does she spill all the secrets to everyone since her wife can't keep a secret and he tells her everything?
I really liked that part that you said the brush almost came hurtling at him.. but thier conversation intruged me. They are certainly not a very happy couple.
Josef's comment on ending war is actually really interesting, I mean, it could be true... only that people would be living in constant fear :)
I really liked the sentence: " His purpose was noble, but in the end I merely had a hand in creating a noble monster."
Good chapter, and i'll read more when I have time!
Narq.
Hey, as promised, here I am.
My wife has an inkling of my inner workings (sometimes to my annoyance), and I have stopped trying to keep secrets from her, since she has a hard time keeping a secret herself. - I don't really see what you're trying to say here. From my understanding is that he doesn't keep secrets from his wife any more because she can't keep it to herself but that doesn't make sense.. does she spill all the secrets to everyone since her wife can't keep a secret and he tells her everything?
I really liked that part that you said the brush almost came hurtling at him.. but thier conversation intruged me. They are certainly not a very happy couple.
Josef's comment on ending war is actually really interesting, I mean, it could be true... only that people would be living in constant fear :)
I really liked the sentence: " His purpose was noble, but in the end I merely had a hand in creating a noble monster."
Good chapter, and i'll read more when I have time!
Narq.
4/25/2008 c1 1striped feather
Your girlfriend's writing style is really good. Not many people on here can recreate something with such a histroical style to it (Victorian to turn of the century lit, right?). Reminded me a bit of Sherlock Holmes, with lots of prose and character musing. Either way, it's underappreciated, even with how old the style is.
The summary for it was a bit iffy, falling into the lines of a Hollywood B movie theme, but that got mended up by the prose itself. Seriously, though, be careful how you manage a theme like this. Stories with these lines tend to be on a sliding, slippery scale that can end up really good or just cliche.
All in all, tell her to keep writing.
1striped featherYour girlfriend's writing style is really good. Not many people on here can recreate something with such a histroical style to it (Victorian to turn of the century lit, right?). Reminded me a bit of Sherlock Holmes, with lots of prose and character musing. Either way, it's underappreciated, even with how old the style is.
The summary for it was a bit iffy, falling into the lines of a Hollywood B movie theme, but that got mended up by the prose itself. Seriously, though, be careful how you manage a theme like this. Stories with these lines tend to be on a sliding, slippery scale that can end up really good or just cliche.
All in all, tell her to keep writing.