for Olive Juice10/17/2011 c8 
2BlissfulEden
8D
I am in love with your story, your characters, the whole shabang! Reading it makes me wish I was a bit better at writing, lol. I love the little poems you have placed around and it makes me happy.
I can't wait for more!
2BlissfulEden8D
I am in love with your story, your characters, the whole shabang! Reading it makes me wish I was a bit better at writing, lol. I love the little poems you have placed around and it makes me happy.
I can't wait for more!
10/14/2011 c8 HeyyyitsPickle
Ahhh looking glass wars is such a good book! and the chapters u just wrote are great! :D Update soon!
Ahhh looking glass wars is such a good book! and the chapters u just wrote are great! :D Update soon!
12/7/2010 c4 7E.Nelson
:( And just like that, I was left waiting for more. Lol. You're good at writing; I was stuck in this story till I finished it. Keep up the good work, and I definitely am looking forward to reading more!
-Emalee
7E.Nelson:( And just like that, I was left waiting for more. Lol. You're good at writing; I was stuck in this story till I finished it. Keep up the good work, and I definitely am looking forward to reading more!
-Emalee
9/27/2010 c4 Lilith Nite
Ep. I want more.
Very well structured, a good plotline, well written and proper grammar.
I really like the plot on this. :D Keep up the good work!
The only constructive criticism I have for you is update faster! xD I love a good romance.
Ep. I want more.
Very well structured, a good plotline, well written and proper grammar.
I really like the plot on this. :D Keep up the good work!
The only constructive criticism I have for you is update faster! xD I love a good romance.
9/27/2010 c1 2Wiseau Films
Oh HI
This story make me want to go out and buy sexy red dress for my Lisa.
Oh BYE
2Wiseau FilmsOh HI
This story make me want to go out and buy sexy red dress for my Lisa.
Oh BYE
9/24/2010 c1 rowanyew
Hi there! :) I read your story a while ago, and I'm very happy to see that you've come back to it to polish it off. It really is a lovely idea and the characters are lively and easy to picture. The first two chapters are promising (along with the prologue), but as a reader - and a beta-reader on the side - I'd like to suggest something. Separate your prologue from your first chapter, or at least take out one of the headings from the page. It makes it rather bulky to read and not very appealing for the eye. I realize that Fictionpress has been having some technical difficulties lately, so I apologize if that's what you intended to do.
I'd recommend getting someone to look over your work. Your syntax and sentence structure are fine, but there are plenty of typos that eventually get off-putting to read and decipher. This is evident mostly in the second chapter. You sometimes use words in an incorrect context, and you have much too good of an idea where your story's going to let it be eroded by a few misspellings and misuses.
Good luck with your writing and "Olive Juice"; I'll be keeping an eye on it, for I'm quite eager to relive Matthew's and Danielle's story! :)
-rowan&yew
Hi there! :) I read your story a while ago, and I'm very happy to see that you've come back to it to polish it off. It really is a lovely idea and the characters are lively and easy to picture. The first two chapters are promising (along with the prologue), but as a reader - and a beta-reader on the side - I'd like to suggest something. Separate your prologue from your first chapter, or at least take out one of the headings from the page. It makes it rather bulky to read and not very appealing for the eye. I realize that Fictionpress has been having some technical difficulties lately, so I apologize if that's what you intended to do.
I'd recommend getting someone to look over your work. Your syntax and sentence structure are fine, but there are plenty of typos that eventually get off-putting to read and decipher. This is evident mostly in the second chapter. You sometimes use words in an incorrect context, and you have much too good of an idea where your story's going to let it be eroded by a few misspellings and misuses.
Good luck with your writing and "Olive Juice"; I'll be keeping an eye on it, for I'm quite eager to relive Matthew's and Danielle's story! :)
-rowan&yew
9/23/2010 c1 Guest
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9/19/2010 c1 silver rocker1490
that's it?
that's it?
9/18/2010 c1 The Imagination Addict
hey! how can this be finished! your settings are 'complete', but the story doesnt seem to be. it's very anticlimactic if the story ends like this.
hey! how can this be finished! your settings are 'complete', but the story doesnt seem to be. it's very anticlimactic if the story ends like this.
9/1/2009 c9 mandapanda
I actually started crying a little! It was a really good ending! AQnd more than anything else...I WANT TO SEE MATT NkED! lol
I actually started crying a little! It was a really good ending! AQnd more than anything else...I WANT TO SEE MATT NkED! lol