for StarGirl7/20/2013 c3 little stone big pond
I'm rather enjoying this read. Few typos here and there, but overall pretty good.
I'm rather enjoying this read. Few typos here and there, but overall pretty good.
3/11/2008 c3 
3Fire Guardian
I love the sentence "Still in the late teenage years...made him scramble backwards out from under her." It's an amusing visual. I would absolutely love to see more awkward-but-sweet moments like this.
And the name Selena is really pretty. Also, it seems appropriate for the stargirl.
Couple of suggestions. In paragraph four, "Now here bare skin..." should be "Now her bare skin...". Also in paragraph four, there is a line about "The movement brought spiky out..." Is that a nickname for the boy? In the second-to-last paragraph, there are a couple places where the word "boys'" is used. If there's only one boy, it should be "boy's". Other than these minor things, I enjoyed this chapter.
3Fire GuardianI love the sentence "Still in the late teenage years...made him scramble backwards out from under her." It's an amusing visual. I would absolutely love to see more awkward-but-sweet moments like this.
And the name Selena is really pretty. Also, it seems appropriate for the stargirl.
Couple of suggestions. In paragraph four, "Now here bare skin..." should be "Now her bare skin...". Also in paragraph four, there is a line about "The movement brought spiky out..." Is that a nickname for the boy? In the second-to-last paragraph, there are a couple places where the word "boys'" is used. If there's only one boy, it should be "boy's". Other than these minor things, I enjoyed this chapter.
3/9/2008 c2 Fire Guardian
I love the description of the star girl, especially the part about how she can change her physical appearance.
Also, although this story seems serious, it's amusing that the boy isn't even curious about where the girl came from (at the moment, anyway). I definitely want to see more of these type of situations.
One suggestion is for the sentence beginning with "The star girl's voice..." and ending with "-examing her first earthling". n Instead of keeping that one long sentence, I think it would flow better if it was split up like this: "...without even a drop of sarcasm. This innocence continued..."
I definitely want to see what happens next.
I love the description of the star girl, especially the part about how she can change her physical appearance.
Also, although this story seems serious, it's amusing that the boy isn't even curious about where the girl came from (at the moment, anyway). I definitely want to see more of these type of situations.
One suggestion is for the sentence beginning with "The star girl's voice..." and ending with "-examing her first earthling". n Instead of keeping that one long sentence, I think it would flow better if it was split up like this: "...without even a drop of sarcasm. This innocence continued..."
I definitely want to see what happens next.