for the telling of a story6/3/2013 c29 Guest
good. i liked it.
good. i liked it.
2/16/2012 c4 
18consequences
if you beta'd this and put it back up, it'd be a lot better. your writing style is confusing at best, you capitalize "I"s and such but not names? Kaden, Jake, Aaralyn(?), should be capitalized. you could choose to not capitalize anything, which is a style choice, but the way you've done it makes it displeasing to read. also, a lot of your sentence structure is strange, it's like you knew what you wanted to put but you sort of mashed it together instead of writing it properly. you don't seem to understand punctuation in dialougue, and commas /anywhere/. commas are an ESSENTIAL part of the english language, and you're missing... quite a few. then again, you did publish this in '09, and you could have gotten better by now.
all in all i guess i like the idea, and i would have liked it better if i didn't have to constantly fix the errors in my head.
18consequencesif you beta'd this and put it back up, it'd be a lot better. your writing style is confusing at best, you capitalize "I"s and such but not names? Kaden, Jake, Aaralyn(?), should be capitalized. you could choose to not capitalize anything, which is a style choice, but the way you've done it makes it displeasing to read. also, a lot of your sentence structure is strange, it's like you knew what you wanted to put but you sort of mashed it together instead of writing it properly. you don't seem to understand punctuation in dialougue, and commas /anywhere/. commas are an ESSENTIAL part of the english language, and you're missing... quite a few. then again, you did publish this in '09, and you could have gotten better by now.
all in all i guess i like the idea, and i would have liked it better if i didn't have to constantly fix the errors in my head.
8/2/2008 c27 16Yereanth16
your story great. Jacob a comon name. You just helped me find new joke my Bf name his name Jacob go figure. I am trying to learn how to be evil. Anyways I am defenetly a fan of you.You are Awesome
-Y-
16Yereanth16your story great. Jacob a comon name. You just helped me find new joke my Bf name his name Jacob go figure. I am trying to learn how to be evil. Anyways I am defenetly a fan of you.You are Awesome
-Y-
7/30/2008 c26 4pandasXrobots
haha! that was funny! david is such a jerk! i was soo laughing when kaden punched him in the face! this was great.
4pandasXrobotshaha! that was funny! david is such a jerk! i was soo laughing when kaden punched him in the face! this was great.
6/16/2008 c24 pandasXrobots
wow wow wow! i love this story. the chapters my be kinda short, but they make up for themselves. i really love angie because she's such a good help. kaden and jake are loveable. i love it. please update soon!
wow wow wow! i love this story. the chapters my be kinda short, but they make up for themselves. i really love angie because she's such a good help. kaden and jake are loveable. i love it. please update soon!
5/23/2008 c24 26the big crunch
ai. poor kaden. and jake. :( haha.
erm, i found a couple mistakes, minor, though, so it doesn't really matter
1. "When third period started I had gone over to jakes desk to try and..." jakes should be Jake's
2. some of the sentances go, "wordswordswords" she said, when it should be "wordswordswords," she said.
:)
other than that, it's all good.
26the big crunchai. poor kaden. and jake. :( haha.
erm, i found a couple mistakes, minor, though, so it doesn't really matter
1. "When third period started I had gone over to jakes desk to try and..." jakes should be Jake's
2. some of the sentances go, "wordswordswords" she said, when it should be "wordswordswords," she said.
:)
other than that, it's all good.
5/23/2008 c24 3Ty Taco
i love this story.
I loved these chapters.
thanks.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxo,
Ty
3Ty Tacoi love this story.
I loved these chapters.
thanks.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxo,
Ty
3/29/2008 c20 Writing Utensil
Good, good, I just have one question about this part: before falling asleep I glanced at my alarm clock and saw that it was 1:40 in the morning. I had a pretty sleepless night.
That's a little confusing. How can he look at the clock before he falls asleep if he had a pretty sleepless night?
Good, good, I just have one question about this part: before falling asleep I glanced at my alarm clock and saw that it was 1:40 in the morning. I had a pretty sleepless night.
That's a little confusing. How can he look at the clock before he falls asleep if he had a pretty sleepless night?
3/22/2008 c19 yayawhynot89
Oh I can't wait to find out what happens next..poor Jake ...more please? :D
Oh I can't wait to find out what happens next..poor Jake ...more please? :D